Shadow of a Day
by Neverwithdraw
Summary: Ch 12: Comin' Home. This baby is it, the last chapter and this is the last time you can comment lol. Read the chapter and tell me what you think. I wanted to give thanks to all the people who commented. Thanks so much! Sorry there will be no sequel!
1. Chapter 1

Ch 1: Some will seek Forgiveness, others will escape.

"I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real  
The needle tears a hold  
The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything

What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away  
In the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt"

The lyrics ran in and out of my head as I turned to look out the window. The scene was a blur, I didn't remember much of the journey here, but here I was. There was so much I didn't understand the one question that consumed my mind was, why was I here? I wish I could say that life was a cake walk but then I would be lying. The night before I cried there was not another way to relinquish the pain that seemed to seep through the cracks.

Everything happen so fast in my life; I remember being on top, I had my future ahead me. All the people around me knew I was going to be someone, and go far in life. But somewhere deep down, I felt myself slowly slip away. I changed so much, every single day I woke up I was different. I felt y facade fade with each step. All everyone saw were smiles but no one realized I was a good actress. Until I lost sight, but more importantly I lost feeling. I cracked and nothing could stop me from the downward spiral. So she moved me, it was spur of the moment decision.

I've heard when someone runs from their fear, the only thing they are truly doing is letting fear win. Let fear win, I rather hide then crash again and disappoint people. So she told me moving would help me start new, have a fresh start. There would be no one to judge what I did in the past and give me the 'what the hell happen to you' look.

Here I am at my father's house; I hope it doesn't happen again. My father looks at me, "What?" I ask him.

He gives me the 'sympathy' look and says, "How was the trip here?" I tell him it was fine and make my way up to stairs and then he stops me and says, "Hun I love you". I give an incredulous look and mutter something along fine and finish my trip upstairs. What have I gotten myself into now.

The next morning he gave me a ride to school. Nice ride I must give him credit for that. "I'll walk home after school" I told him. I don't think he was sure what to say next, because I was out the door before he could answer. I made my way to the office and put on the fake smile that I knew I would have to do. I walked to the window and asked for my schedule and she smiled back and said, "Wait a second because there is someone to show you around".

"Okay then I'll wait; um thanks" I tell her back. It's been fucking twenty minutes, what the hell is going on, they better not have forgotten about me. I bet they do this to all the new students, just to see how long it takes to get them pissed, like that freakin' show, _Boiling Points_. I laugh internally, I'm an idiot. 'bout fucking time, a girl showed up. "Can I ask you something?" I asked.

She looked at me and said, "sure,"

I smiled after and asked sarcastically, "What the hell took you so long, did you get lost or something?" Her face dropped, malice was replaced, and then the smile was replaced again. What the fuck, that was too weird.

She smirked and said, "No I'm pretty sure I didn't get lost, but I did get lost in something". I pondered whether that was a play on words or what.

I smiled back and I noticed she was sizing me up, I smirked and said, "See something you like," and just like that she rolled her eyes. "Anyways," she said, "I'm Spencer."

I looked up at her and said, "Good to know, are you going to show me around now." She laughed and said something but I didn't catch it and then she started to walk, so I followed.

She showed me around and asked whether I played sports. I told her I did actually she looked at me weirdly and nodded her head.

"Well do you play sports," I asked. She looked at me like at me like I was retarded and said yea. "Well what sport do you play?" I asked. She looked in thought and then finally said, "I play soccer, and softball oh and I forgot I'm a cheerleader." Hmm was all I thought. I wondered why see never asked what sports I played. "How come you never asked about what sports I played" I asked.

She smiled and said, "I honestly don't care what you play."

I looked back at her and smiled, "Well at least it is nice to know you are not only honest, but you are a bitch." I continue to smile and wait for her to retaliate but nothing is said. She looked at like I kicked her puppy. I didn't know what to do, so I told her I would look around on my own.

I finally got to my class. The teacher glared at me for some unknown reason and tells me to take a seat. I pull out my iPod and instantly Linkin Park's song _Shadow of the Day _played. I must have had my music to loud because I felt blue eyes on me and then the teacher yelled, "Ashley."

So I was extremely bored at work and since no one was there I wrote the next chapter there. I hate having a summer job LOL that's why I gave my two week's notice HAHAH. By the way there are no Aiden and no Carmen in my flick, however that doesn't mean there won't be drama. LOL


	2. Chapter 2

Damn it, Damn it, I knew in that instant he wanted my iPod. "Ashley" he said, "I want your iPod." Fuck, why doesn't he just give me a warning; is he fucking serious. His smile dropped, "Ashley" he repeated "I want your iPod now." What the hell got his panties in a bunch, is it really that big of a problem to listen to my iPod, at least I am paying some of my attention on him.

"Yea ok" was all I could muster up. For some reason there was a smug smile on his face. Next thing I know my iPod was out of my hands and a 'fuck you' left my mouth. Oh shit did his ass hear me say that.

After a few minutes I realized I was in the clear however I sensed a pair of eyes on me. I wasn't sure whether someone was really staring or was it just me being paranoid. That is the worst feeling not knowing whether you should look or continue to ignore the person. Well I turned around again and green met brown. I turned quickly away and for some reason I felt eyes on me, he was staring again. I mouthed a quick 'what' and noticed he was actually pretty cute. "Jaiden," the teacher yelled "I don't think Ashley likes to feel on display… stop staring."

I laughed and smirked at him. Next thing I know, I'm saying, "It's fine, I'm hot no reason not to stare." As I turned around my eyes land on hers, her eyes bored into mine searching for some unexplainable substance.

The bell finally rang. I rushed out the door and knocked into someone. "Motherfucker," she says. I completely lay her out flat, great all I need is a pissed off Spencer. I frantically look at her and say, "Fuck, I'm sorry Spencer." Her face turned a deep red, I laughed internally and waited for it; here it comes.

"Please, the next time you decide to… I don't know lay me out why don't you let me know ahead of time." She said with a smirk and walked off.

The next bell rang and I sat in class staring at the wall. Time slowly dissipated and my memories tormented me. The past was catching up and I wasn't sure how much longer my façade would last. The silent screams seemed to slowly seep through the cracks and my mind grew more confused between the present and the past. I wish I could erase the parts of my life like Jim Carrey in the _Eternal Sunshine in the Spotless Mind _but I can't. The memories dwell in me and resurface to tear me apart piece by piece. There was never a time when I was completely happy, but there were times when I was content.

I looked up at the clock and realized there was an hour left of class. I raised my hand and asked if I could use the bathroom. The next thing I know I'm in the bathroom and I couldn't stop them. I tried so hard but I couldn't, the tears trickled down my face. As they rushed down my face I heard someone come in. All at once I'm normal again, there were no traces of tears. I opened the door and once again my eyes meet hers, but there was something wrong with her. I knew I did not know her but I needed to know what was going on. "Hey what's wrong with you," I asked. 

She looked at me and waited. "I know you don't know me or probably don't even like me but I hope you are alright." With that I left the bathroom.

I get back to the room and there was about twenty minutes left of class. I wait the time out, finally the bell rings. Great where the fuck I am going to seat for lunch. I scanned the area someone was waving at me. Who the fuck is that, I wait a second to make sure it's me there are waving at. Yep that's me alright, I walk over there carefully.

"Hey," she says. "Hello, do I know you," I asked her. She laughed and tells me no. "I'm Sophie." I shake her hand and tell her my name. I not entirely sure what I think of Sophie, it's not that I'm insecure, I just you know don't seem to trust people that well. She seemed alright but a part of me didn't understand why she would be so nice. I shake my thoughts and go along with the conversation.

"So what have you seen of L.A?" she asked me. I was blunt and told her nothing except this awesome school. I stressed every syllable in awesome letting her hear my sarcasm. She laughed again and said, "Why not, there is so much to see." I smiled and told her I didn't have time. Next thing I know I'm being dragged into a car. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked her.

"Well what does it look like I'm doing huh, I'm kidnapping you," I laugh at her and simply tell her okay. We go everywhere Hollywood Blvd, Sunset Blvd, West Hollywood, and Santa Monica. I'm glad as a kidnapper she didn't kill me. The day wasn't horrific at all.

"So how was your day," she asked me I look at her and just smile. "I need to get home, thanks though." I tell her. She dropped me off and I opened my door to see my father. "Hey Ash, how was your day?" He asked. There was something in his voice that made gulp, but I couldn't gather what it was yet.

The next thing I know is he's hugging me. This made me nervous and uncomfortable, growing up I never conveyed any affection towards people. "Let go please." I told him trying to hide the pain in my voice but I don't think I succeeded. I ran upstairs and turn my IPod on. The lyrics flowed into ear. P.O.D's _Going in Blind_ soothed over.

This life not like you wanted it.  
His eyes I can see again, I need you here.  
In your mind nobody's listening.  
It's alright

Just breath again...  
Time after time I walk the fine line,  
But something keeps bringing me back.  
Time after time I'm going in blind,  
I don't know which way I need to go...  


Feels like your world is caving in  
And I cry, failing to understand,  
I wish I can...  
It's alright if you're missing him,  
In his eyes you can live again,  
Free within!

As I listen to the song, emotions overrode me and I started to cry again. "Time after time I walk the fine line, but something keeps bringing me back." The words correlated with my life, something always brought me back to the past.

Comment Please


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 3: Beyond Redemption

_L.A. People say is the place to make dreams come to life… Can I get a new life then. _

I woke up the next morning with blood shot eyes from the previous night. I crept downstairs and heard my father on the phone. "Damn it Christine, what the hell did you do to her… yea, you know what fuck you… she has only uttered four sentences to me it's been three days." He yelled at her, he evidently wanted to make his point. "No Christine I will clean up your mess, damn it she's our daughter and you treat her like a plague… so what it's her past, move on… you know what bye, fucking bye." He slammed the phone on the counter and left the room.

I ran upstairs, I was unsure of my feelings. I was simply torn; on one hand I was glad he stuck-up for me, however on the other hand I wish my mother didn't have a huge effect on me. I wondered when she was going to love me again and consider me her daughter again.

My house phone rang, I looked at the caller id… it was Sophie. I wonder if she's stalking me because I swear to god I didn't give her my number. I pushed talk, "How the hell did you get my number?" I asked

"Oh well I forgot to tell you I worked in the office… I your file to happen fall in front of and voila here I am calling you." I could her laugh and feel her smirk. "Okay you know that's tad bit stalkerish and well fuckin' creepy." I smiled while I told her this.

"Yea I know but eh I wanted some fun and adventure" She said. "Is there a reason you called Sophie" I asked once again. "Oh yea did you want to hang out I mean I'm pretty sure you don't know too many people and well I'm hella bored."

"I fucking can't believe I'm going to say this but what the hell" I told her. "Sweet I'll pick you up, where do you live?" She asked. "What you forget to see where I lived, what kind of stalker are you" I asked her while laughing. She started to say something then paused. "Who said I was a stalker?" She said.

After the fun conversation I told her where I lived and next thing I know we are headed to the beach. Once she parked the car, I flew out of the car. I haven't seen a beach in years, I was extremely eager to step in the water. I headed to the water when I spotted someone familiar. The closer I got I realized it was Spencer. She was with a blonde guy, they looked to similar to be together so I figured it was her brother.

"Hey Sophie I'm going talk to Spencer for a sec." She nodded in response. "Hey." I said to her. As she looked up she said hi to me. "Well it's interesting seeing you here." I told her. She stared back at the ground and said, "Well you know Ashley I don't see why it interesting seeing me here because I do recall this being a public beach." I looked at her simply nodding. There was something in her eyes I couldn't figure out. She seemed tormented by something but it could have just been me.

"Ashley" Sophie said. I looked up and noticed her a few feet from me. "Yea Sophie, I'll be there in a sec." I told her. Spencer seemed to be caught in a daze she never seemed to notice me leave her. "Hey Sophie, um what's the deal with Spencer, she seems so… I actually don't even know." I asked her. She looked at me for a while debating what she should say. "Ashley, Spencer has been through a lot in her life." She told me and with that she left it, I knew she wouldn't say anything more about the subject. I nodded and asked her what we were going to do after.

She just smirked and waved her hand towards her car. We left and she pulled into my drive way and told me to look hot. With that I pondered where we were going next. I pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and a blue cross cut halter top with a pair of heels to finish the job. I left my hair curly I did not want to spend hours with dealing with the mess. I added eyeliner, mascara and the other essentials to finish the job. I slowly walk down the stairs to see her back in my house and looking incredible.

"Well don't you clean up" I told her. She smiled and led me out of the house. "Where are we going?" I asked. "Well you and I darling, are going to a club to scope out guys." She said and then laughed. After thirty minutes we hit the club entrance and I noticed the neon sign with the name Grey on it.

As soon we got into the club we went to get drinks. I waved the bartender over and asked for a vodka tonic and a B-52 shot on the side. She looked at me and then nodded. About a Few seconds later I got my drink and I headed to the dance floor with Bob. Why on earth would anyone name their child Bob. I laughed he looked at me, opps that must have slipped out.

He necessarily wasn't the hottest guy but his grey-blue eyes made up for what he lacked. As we got closer and closer I could feel his lips slowly trail down my neck. With that simply gesture he turned me off. I told him I needed a drink and then walked into the bathroom.

There was no one in there, I slowly sigh and just sat. I peered from the bathroom as I saw someone open the door. It was no other than Spencer and tears ran down her cheek. "Are you okay" I called out to her. "Yea I'm fucking peachy." She snapped back. "Look I was trying to be somewhat friendly to your ass, no need to snap at me." I snapped back. "Ashley, I just need some time to myself, no interruptions okay." Her voice softened when she said that. I nodded and walked out the door.

I got to the bar and asked for a few shots. I after the fifth shot I was gone. I looked for Sophie but I couldn't find her, the next thing I know is I'm being dragged into a car. Fuck…Fuck…Fuck ah fuck were the only words that consumed my mind. God please not now I know I fucked up a lot but damn it I don't deserve this. "Where do you live?" the stranger asked me. Wait I know that voice I knew five shots plus vodka and beers did not go well together. Hmmm I still know that voice. BING "Spencer?" I asked. I think she smiled, but it could have been a smirk. I gave her directions to my home.

She helped sneak me in the house. That was the last thing I remember, I was out. The next morning not only did I feel dead, I found a note.

Hey Ashley,

Hope you don't feel too shitty in the morning! ;)

-Spencer

I walk down stairs and saw my father. "Hey how are you doing?" I asked him. He looked up with a warm smile and said fine. "I'll see you later okay." I said and then I left. I made way down the road and sat at a bench. My memories had resurfaced as I reminisced the fall out with her.

"_Damn it Ashley, how could you fucking do this?" She shouted. My tears flowed down my face. Smack "You need help; you had everything ahead of you… now your wasted life." She was about to hit me again but something stopped her. "You made me like this and deal with the consequences." I shouted at her. Smack, that one was going to leave a mark. That fucking ring got my face._

"_How the fuck did I do this huh, you tell me that." She retaliated. "You know what I do not need this shit from you." I spat towards her. "No Ashley, I want to know, how did I make you start that shit on your skin, did I coerce you… hmmmm let me think oh yea no I didn't." She said. Every word stung me and slowly ripped me apart. "You had everything, why would you do that, you ungrateful bitch." Smack. "Get the fuck out of my sight," and with that she left the room. That night was the night I lost everything not only my dignity but my mother also. _

"Ashley" my dad said. How did he find me, he probably followed me.

"Yea?" I asked him. "I'm sorry for not being there for you… I have fucked up a lot in my life and leaving you has been my biggest regret. "Yea whatever dad, you did what you had to do." After I said that I left. I ran I had no idea where I was running to. I felt like _Forrest Gump_ damn Gump ran across Alabama for no reason. I had a reason, I ran from fear… I ran from pain… I ran from myself.

Next chapter will pretty much only contain Spencer P.O.V

Comment on the story… Don't be shy

Thanks L.G.


	4. Chapter 4

I hope you like depressing and angsty things because that's mostly what this story contains. Sorry about the cussing I do it frequently. Comments are wanted!

Thanks L.G.

Ch 4: Cat and Mouse

Spencer P.O.V

"The love that which we see  
is the dream we want to be.  
Yet now we cry to know  
that it will never be."

People never seem to see what is right in front of them; people want magic not reality. As they hide behind their delusions, their fears slowly override them.

******They see who I appear to be but only a few know the real me, they only see what I choose to show there's so much behind my smile they just don't know it.** My mind use to be wrapped around the idea if I pretended to be happy long enough then maybe I would be. But life is a bitch, everything comes at a price. Every memory I have had has tormented my mind, the good memories have slipped from my conscience and have been replaced with nightmares.

"Spencer, can you get your ass down here." Steven yelled. Fuck me what does he want now, "Okay I'll be down sir." I looked around my room to make sure everything was in place before I went downstairs. "Someone's one the phone for you." He said. I smiled and said a quick thank you. "Hey dumbass, what have you been up to lately?" I asked him. "Nothing much smartass, what about you?" I was so eager to tell what had been going on, but I didn't want to drag him into my mess. "Oh you know me same ol' same ol'" I said and laughed as he sighed in the phone.

"Beach?" Glen asked me. Shit how the hell was I going to get out of the house. Fucking Steven, maybe for once he won't be a bastard and let me see my brother. Before I knew it I said "Yea Glen, all be there."

"Okay, love you Spence." He told me, I waited a few seconds before replying. "Yea me too… I got to go Glen, see you later." I hung up the phone and right away I regretted letting Glen go because there he was towering over me. "Who was that on the phone Spencer?" He seemed to stress each syllable in my name. "It was my brother sir." I looked straight into his eyes and he just walked away.

"Um sir, can I go to beach with my brother?" I asked him. He started to say something but then paused, "Yea whatever, be back here by three, no later." Three what the fuck, I had no energy to argue especially since there was no point. "Yes sir no later; um thank you." I said.

I got to beach and there was Glen. I smiled towards him and he gave me a hug. "Hey punk, let's get some food." He said to me. I smiled again. There was something in his eyes that made me breakdown right in front of him. Damn it I didn't know what had happened, I was trying to be brave and strong but there was no evidence of those traits left in me.

"Spencer what's wrong?" He asked me. Fuck…Fuck "Glen I'm fine, just a little emotional, it happens, let it go." I pleaded with him. "This time I will, next time will be different." He told me. He left to go get the food and the next thing I see is Ashley standing two feet away from me. She started to talk to me and I dismissed her. It was easier to be a smartass then convey my true feelings. I noticed she left and in that instant my face was overwhelmed by tears.

After lunch, Glen dropped me off and Reagan called to see whether I had planned anything for tonight. I told her no and she told me she'd pick me up around nine. Steven liked Reagan I could probably get him to let me spend the night.

A few hours passed and here she was. "Wow Carlin, this is a nice change." She said with a smirk. I mouthed a 'fuck you' and she laughed. "Thanks for this Rae, I needed this." She gave me a knowing look and simply smiled.

We got to the club and I ordered a beer to start off and after I was pressed up against some girl. I was getting into it but something stopped me and I walked into the bathroom. I completely broke down everything escalated for bad to worse. I heard someone get out of the stall but it was too late to push back the tears that surfaced my face. God damn it, does she always have to fucking see me so broken. I don't know what the fuck is wrong I can't seem to compose myself anymore.

I completely snapped when she asked whether I was alright, I'm glad that I felt remorse for my reactions. I know once I stopped feeling, I was truly dead inside. I walked out of the bathroom and found Rae grinding on some guy and I smiled at her. She was so fun to be around, she beside my brother were the only things keeping me alive.

I ordered a few more drinks for myself and that's when my eyes landed on Ashley. She was gone, faded without a doubt. I grabbed her to make sure nothing would happen to her.

I laughed when she tried to figure out who I was, it was cute. I got her home and snuck her upstairs. Once I got her out of her cloths I notice something. Fuck, why would she ever do that. There were so many on her skin, I my heart cried out for her but I knew there was nothing I could do for her. So I wrote her a simple note:

Hey Ashley,

Hope you don't feel too shitty in the morning! ;)

-Spencer

Then I left. I got to Reagan's house and instantly fell asleep. A few hours passed and I had to be home. Fuck I was ten minutes late. I prayed he was still asleep. I opened the door and there he 

stood. Oh shit here it comes he started to gesture with his hands, right on cue. "Spencer you fucking can't listen to a simple request, I asked you fucking nicely to be here by eight this morning." He said. "Yes sir you did, I'm sorry." I told him. He was getting angrier.

"Is it really that hard to listen, I mean I know you fucking can hear, did I stutter or leave out something… no I'm pretty sure I was pretty clear on my instructions." Smack…smack…smack the third hit knocked my head back. "You are fucking grounded don't think about going anywhere you hear me?" He said. "Yes sir." I said. The blood oozed from my nose and lips and steeped in my shirt creating a small blood pool on it. I turned to go but his arm caught mine. "Did I tell you that you were dismissed girl." He yelled at me. "No si- smack" That one got me good, fuck I hope he didn't bust the skin around my eye. I felt my face, damn it the fucker did.

"Spencer get to your room." He told me "Yes sir" I said back. Great I wonder how long it will take for these to heal. I have school tomorrow what I am fucking going to do about them. I texted Reagan to see if she would pick me up earlier than normal because I needed to make sure the bruises were covered. She replied pretty quickly and asked if it had happened again and I ignored the question and forwarded my message again. It took her a while to reply but she said yea.

I turned my iPod on and Incubus' lyrics bounced around in my mind.

"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear  
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear  
Take the wheel and steer  
It's driven me before  
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal  
But lately I'm beginning to find that I  
Should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there  
With open arms and open eyes yeah."

The next morning I woke up and there he was. "Hey Spencer, how are you feeling this morning?" He asked me. Every time he gets out of control, the next morning everything seems fine, it's like nothing happened. "Good sir and how about you?" I asked. He smiled and said fine. "I have to go sir Reagan's here." He nodded and let me pass by him.

I got into the car and shit Reagan saw them. "Spencer what the fuck, I fucking should kill that bastard for doing this to you." She said. "Reagan it's okay, these will heal no big deal." She had a grimace look on her face. "Yea Spence those may heal, but the emotional damage my not." I hate when she gets like this. So I tried to quickly change the subject. "So how was that guy last night, I didn't hear you come until like five this morning." She smiled and said, "He was great I think his name was Kaden." After the details of her night we drove the rest of the way in silence. It was a comfortable silence, we both knew there was no more to be said.

Hope you like; Comment

Next Chapter will be Ashley's P.O.V but there will be a lot of Spencer in it. LOL Thanks L.G.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch 5: Send the Pain Below ( I know I said there would be a lot of Spencer. I lied. Sorry, but there will be next chapter.)  
_  
"Sometimes we know we shouldn't do it...And that's exactly why we do it."  
_  
"Ashley let's go. If we don't leave now, you're lazy ass is going to be late." He said with a smile.

"Well what if this lazy ass doesn't want to go to school?" I asked.

It took me a few minutes to jump into the shower and throw on the essentials.

"Okay I'm ready." I told him.

After he dropped me off, I walked to my class. I noticed that the kids were staring at someone, but I disregarded it. I walked to my desk and instantly put a head phone in my ear. Immediately the lyrics emerged

**"There's no one in town I know,  
you gave us some place to go.  
I never said thank you for that.  
I thought I might get one more chance.  
What would you think of me now,  
so lucky, so strong, so proud?  
I never said thank you for that,  
now I'll never have a chance.  
May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in."**

Each word of the song triggered pieces of the buried memory, until I caved and revisited the scene.

--  
_  
"Ashley for fuck's sake, get off the ground." She told me._

I looked out the window and my eyes grew heavier.

"Goddamn it! Get off the fucking floor." She screamed at me.  


_  
I couldn't bear to pick myself up, the weight of the world finally crashing on me. She grabbed my arm and gasped with horror._

"What the fuck is this Ashley?! Some sick joke?! It's not fucking funny!" She looked down at me and spat out, "If you survive through this shit, you'll wish you hadn't. You're a worthless piece of shit." And with that she left the room. About twenty minutes later, the ambulance came and I was rushed to the hospital.

--

"Ashley, for some reason, it seems as though you like not paying attention in my class, am I right?" Mr. Reck asked.

Damn it, what did he say? Focus, I remember him talking about Macbeth, wait…wait…uhh right! I remember what he asked. God I hope I wipe that fucking smirk off his face.

"I was paying attention. You asked 'If the Weird Sisters had never told Macbeth about the premonition, would he have killed to be king?' " And just like that, bye-bye smirk. "Um, I am right sir?"

Damn I don't know how I pulled that out of my ass. Thank you Jesus. Wait...did I honestly just thank Jesus?!

"Yes Ashley, that was what I had asked. Good to know I can still be proven wrong." He said.

What a pompous bastard.

"Mr. Reck, can I go to the bathroom?" Spencer asked.

"Yes, you may." He gave her the bathroom pass and she left the room.

I wonder what's wrong with her. She's been in there for ten minutes.

"Mr. Reck, I need to use the bathroom, I'm on my period." I bluntly told him.

"Miss. Davies, I did not need to know that, please go." I left the room quickly.

I walked into the bathroom and there laid Spencer.

Oh fuck what's wrong with her.

"Spencer, shit, Spencer are you okay?" I probed her to see whether she still was breathing.

Why isn't she getting up?! Fuck, what happened to her?!

I ran to get a teacher. "Mr. Reck! S-Spence…" I panted from the sprint.

God I'm out of shape. Right, focus Ashley.

"What Ashley?" He asked.

"Spencer was lying on the floor unconscious, I tried to wake her up but she wasn't moving." He nodded and rushed out of the room.

A few minutes later Spencer was escorted on a stretcher. The sight of her reminded me of my experience.

_"Ashley, do you hear me?" the panicked paramedic asked._

I nodded my head.

"Why would you do this?" My aggravated mother whispered.

I had no energy to tell her why. There were so many reasons that contributed to my current condition; I couldn't handle life anymore, I was tired of being perfect. I liked having control. I wanted to feel again, I was scared of myself.

I snapped out of my daze and followed the ambulance to the hospital. My curiosity got the best of me. I felt an urge to know what was happening with Spencer. I got to the hospital and told the nurse Spencer was my sister, so I could get information on her current state.

The nurse told me Spencer was suffering from a traumatic brain injury, which, she told me, meant a severe concussion and she had a few contusions.

"Can I see Spencer?" I timidly asked.

"Yes, but she's not conscious yet." I nodded

"What room is she in please?" after I asked, she replied, "333."  


I rushed to the room to see how she was doing and I noticed the bruises on her face. How did I not notice them before? They were so visible now.

"Spencer what's going on with you?" I ask quietly. "I hope you wake up soon." My voice cracked in the process.

I sat and waited but I couldn't stay any longer. I couldn't bare to see her this way.

"I'll check on you later. Bye Spencer." I left the hospital and ran home.

I opened the door and there he stood. I couldn't decipher his face.

"How was your day, Ashley?" He asks.

"Well I found a girl unconscious, but besides that, it was okay." I told him.

"Oh god, who was the girl?" He asked me.

I looked at him and pondered whether I should engage further in the conversation.

"Her name was Spencer." His face fell. That was strange. "Do you know her?"

"Yea, I do. She's Steven's niece. That girl has been through hell." He told me.

"I've heard, a few people have told me that. What happened to her?"

He gave me an odd look and told me that he didn't want to continue discussing her past.

What the fuck? Why does everyone say that and leave it there. I hate when people fucking say that. They raise my curiosity, and let it linger.

My phone rang and it was Jaiden.

Fucking Sophie, I knew she gave my number to that boy.

"Hello, did Sophie give you this number?" I was pissed.

"That depends. If I say yes, what will happen to Sophie?" I could tell by his comment he was smirking.  


"You really want to know? Well, for starters, I would chew her ass out. And after that, a physical beating."

"Well then she definitely gave me your number." He laughed into the phone.

"I'm her brother." He told me.

Oh, well I wasn't expecting that at all. Damn it Sophie. Why hadn't she mentioned that before?!

"Well what the hell do you want?" the line went quiet.

"I was wondering…" He stuttered.

"Well, please do spit it out." I impatiently said.

"Will you go on a date with me this Friday?" He said seeming to regain confidence.

Well, his green eyes were beautiful, and his face wasn't ugly either.

"One date. That's all I'm giving you." I told him and hung up the phone.

Sophie was no doubt on my hit list. I can't believe I agreed to go on a date with Jaiden. Fuck I haven't dated for a year. After his call, I couldn't help but wonder about Spencer. There were so many questions I had for her.

My mind raced, there were so many thoughts bouncing around; Spencer, my date, and my past. I looked at the clock, it was about one in the morning.

I wish I could sleep.

Every since it started, I generated an insomnia behavior. The psychiatrist had prescribed Rozerem but the hypnotic never seemed to work.

I put my iPod on and instantly the piano and lyrics help tame my thoughts.

_"Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame  
_

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me"_

After ten minutes, I fell asleep. Drifting into, what I knew would be, an unpeaceful slumber.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Pictures of the characters in the story so far.

Ashley: You know what she looks like

Spencer: You know what she looks like too

Sophie: /wp-content/uploads/2007/11/rachel-bilson-chuck.jpg

Reagan: /blog/images/navi rawat.jpg

Jaiden: i122./albums/o279/xpansyx15/Hot Emo Slash Scene Boys/RyanOlivera.jpg

Steven: /actores/lapelicula/CARLISLE.jpg

Italics equal the past.

The dotted lines are where the flashback is split. It shows the different sequences.

Enjoy!!

Ch 6: Tracks of my Tears

_**"Don't fall into the trap of pretending everything's fine when you know it isn't."**_

_"Hey Ash, you ready for the big game tomorrow?" Madison asked. Why does she always insist on asking stupid ass questions. Tomorrow's game decided my life. How the fuck would you feel if one soccer game could make you or break you._

"Yep." I forced out.

-- --

_"We're losing her! Charge to three hundred." The paramedic said._

"Fuck, I know I have done a lot of horrific things to that girl, but God I can't lose her." Christine sincerely said. Was that a crack in her cold exterior? It took me seventeen years and an almost suicide for her to care.

"Ashley," She whispered "If you can hear me, I hope you fucking know your dead to me." Wow her kind heart lasted a whole two point one seconds.

_--_

"Hey, good luck tonight." My mother told me. I smelled the alcohol on her breath and knew it was the reason for her first decent comment.

"Thanks Mother." I said obliged. "Are you coming to the game?" I said pleading.

"No, I'm sorry, I have to go with Richard tonight and I'll be gone for a month, you understand." She said to me.

"Of course I understand. You'd rather fuck a man, then come to one of my games. Scratch that, the game; the same one I've been waiting for, for four years." I spat at her. Damn it, why does she always make me feel vulnerable. It doesn't matter how good I am, she only sees my faults. I wish I had different parents, ones who acknowledged me when I came home. I wished they noticed how far gone I was.

Smack.

The crimson red streamed into my mouth. The taste overpowered my senses.

Smack.

That's going to bruise.

"What makes you think you can talk to me like that, you ungrateful bitch?" She said while twisting my arm back. I tried to fight back but nothing came from it.

"I'm sorry! Please stop! You're going to break it!" I cried

"Mom, let Ashley go please! She didn't mean it." Kyla begged.

"Kyla, darling, why don't you go back into your room. This is between me and this little bitch." She snarled. I knew I shouldn't have said that, especially to a drunk.

Fuck, please let go, I need to play tomorrow.

Christine tightened her grip.

"Please mom, let her go! Don't do anything stupid!" Kyla pleaded

_"You know how much Ashley has put me through? I want her to feel pain, the same pain I feel. All she does is take and take, until there is nothing left." Christine barked._

Please no more, god don't let her go fur-

SNAP

Within seconds the pain registered.

Shit, shit, oh my fucking god, what did she do, it hurts so fucking bad. You can't cry Ashley… You will not let her win, you're better than that. The pain shot up my arm. My eyes infringed against me.

The tears trickled down my face. The tracks of my tears branded me, they were my betrayal.

She laughed, she was the woman that was suppose to be my mother, the woman who was suppose to protect me…and she laughed.**_In that one instance I hated everyone in my life, everyone and everything, and me most of all._**

_An awkward silence broke throughout the house once she was finished cackling at my expense._

And then...

"Mom what the fuck did you do?!" Kyla screamed toward Christine.

"Ashley lets go. You have to go to the Emergency room. Ashley, now!" Kyla shouted.

"Ky, I can't. I just fucking can't. I have the game tomorrow." I cried to her

Fuck, what was I going to do? I can't move it. It was in that split second, I knew everything I worked for was gone. I was gone. The darkness had finally won.

I screamed, the screaming echoed. There it was haunting me, mocking me, laughing at me; it was letting me know it was winning.

I saw my door open, and I couldn't hide. There was no place to go. The fear was overriding me again.

...And I was letting it.

"Please don't hurt me. I didn't mean to! I swear!" I screamed  


"Ashley calm down! What's going on? I heard you scream." He said, sadly.

"Stop. Please." I cried.

"Ashley, you're okay." He hugged me

My eyes looked into his, and I realized he meant it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that." I told him sincerely.

"Alright, just try to get some sleep if that's possible. Don't worry about school today." His eyes revealed a mixed emotion of fear and sadness.

The next morning, Spencer was on my mind. There was something about her that increased my curiosity.

"Can you give me a ride to the hospital?" I asked. Raife. He gave me a blank stare and I could tell that he was debating whether to give in or refuse. He finally spoke and next thing I knew I was at the hospital.

I walked through the door and noticed the nurse from other day. Walking towards her, I give her the best smile I can scrounge up.

"Can I see Spencer?" I pleaded.

"I'm sorry hunny, but Spencer isn't here anymore, she's gone." She calmly said.

Oh fuck, I can't believe she's gone. How the hell did she end up like that? I hope her family is okay. Why couldn't I have been there a few minutes earlier, I could have prevented this.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" there was concern in Nurse's voice.

No I'm not, I could have prevented this. How do you think I feel?

"Yea," The pain dripped from my voice as I spoke to her "I just didn't think she was going to die."

"Hun, did I say she died? I said she was gone" she paused before continuing "Yea, your uncle picked her up." She said with smirk on her face.

Oh fuck; load the bullets in, put the gun to my head and pull the trigger. Way to go idiot.

"Oh really, I wonder why he…" She cut me off

"I knew you weren't her sister, so don't panic." With that she smiled and left.  


I flipped my phone and called Raife to pick me up. I had to see Spencer.

"Dad, do you know where the Carlins live?" I asked him

"Yea, why?" He questioned

"Well, I found the girl unconscious the other day and I wanted to make sure, I don't know, that she was alright." I irately said; noticing the effect my words had on him.

"Yea, I'll drop you off." The ride was silent. I had hurt him.

He dropped me off without uttering a word and sped off. My sarcasm, once again, had crossed the line.

I got to the door and hesitated for a second. My nerves slowly unraveling, I knocked on the door once.

"Is anyone home?" My voice peaked with eagerness.

I knocked once more, to see if there was a last minute greeting.

I opened the door and went in. God this reminded me of a horror film. Girl goes into big house, girl wonders around in the house, girl gets killed, girl never comes out…of the house.

Fucking great, now I have the thought of an ax murderer in the back of my mind.

"Hello, anyone in here?" I asked tentatively. I looked around and noticed that the house was spotless. I made my way to the kitchen when I caught sight of blonde hair. I took a step closer and it was Spencer. She was sprawled on the floor unconscious.

"Spencer?" not again, please not again. "Spencer wake up. You need to wake up." I was terrified. There was blood, but where was it coming from? I checked her body, there was no evidence of a blood wound. The only place left was her head.

Bingo.

There was a huge gash in the back.

Oh Fuck. I called 911, not knowing what else to do.

They arrived twenty minutes later. I lied to the paramedic so I could get a ride with them to the hospital. We pulled in and they rushed her into the hospital.

I stayed there all night, there was something that magnetized me to her, it was the unknown; she was a mystery to me.  


_"Ashley are you alright?" Kyla asked. I could tell she was sorry, every fragment of her screamed it._

"Honestly Ky, no. Our mom just broke my arm, I can't move it, let alone feel it." I simply said. There was no more emotion present in my voice, I was numb.

"Ky, did she leave?" Desperation seeped into my voice. There was no way I could face her.

"Yea, she left with Richard. I'm sorry, again." She said.

"It's not your fault. I knew I fucked up with that last comment, I just didn't think she would go to this length to retaliate" My eyes grew heavier and I knew I needed to rest for tomorrow.

"I'm going to call it a night." I left the room and headed upstairs.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up from a jerking movement. I'm shocked. Not from being woken up, but from my dream. This is all too much to handle.

I looked up and it was the nurse from the previous encounter.

"Spencer is stable, you can go in there if you'd like." She smiled and left.

I walked into the room and couldn't understand how this could happen to her. I moved towards her and fell into a daze.

"Spencer," I whispered, "We have to stop meeting like this, I don't think I can handle this too much longer." She seemed at peace in her sleep. I wonder what was going through her head. I hope she wakes up soon.

I looked at the time.

"Damn it, my date." I mumbled.

I looked at Spencer debating on cancelling my date, but I couldn't do that.

"Spencer, I have to go. I'll be back later, okay?" I left her there at peace.

I called Raife to pick me up. I waited and then I noticed him pull up.

"Thanks for picking me up. Look, I'm sorry about earlier." I truthfully told him. He nodded and drove me home.

I had to get changed. I rummaged through my closet, pulling out a pair of black skinny jeans 

with a low cut halter top. I threw on a pair of heels to finish my wardrobe. I straightened my hair and quickly put on my makeup.

Jaiden called and told me he was on his way. God, this is going to awkward. How am I going to be able to focus when my mind was on someone else?

My train of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. I went to open it and there stood Jaiden. The boy definitely looked hot, but something was missing; his piercings. That was one of things that drew me in.

"Hey Ash, you look nice." He nervously said. I looked at him and smiled.

"Thanks, so do you." I said sweetly.

"So, um, where are we going?" I gave him an in inquisitive look.

"Sorry, that's a surprise. My lips are sealed." He gave me a wink.

Twenty minutes later, we were at the beach. I wondered whether he thought he was getting lucky tonight. I smiled at him and continued my way down the path. I walked further down and there was a candle lit dinner set up.

Over the top much?

I laughed and he looked at me. It was really sweet but a bit much for the first date.

"I know what you thinking, it's over the top, but I wanted to make an impression on you." He shyly said.

"Thank you, it's sweet." I honestly said. I looked at him for a minute and I felt a connection. We talked about music, Sophie, and school. I felt comfortable with him. So I thought I would ask him about Spencer.

"So Jaiden, can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure." He said

"What happen to Spencer, no will tell me anything about her, they say 'they can't talk about it'?" His smile fell.

Way to ruin the moment Ash.

"I'm sorry Ashley, but I can't tell you that. It's not my business." He knew I didn't want to hear that, but it looked like he had no choice in his answer.

"Damn it, I don't understand why people can't tell me about it." Aggravation dripped from my 

voice.

"Ashley, you need to ask Spencer that. Okay?" I nodded and we headed back to the car.

We got to my drive way and I reached over and gave him a kiss. Walking into the house, I right away lock eyes with Raife.

"How was your date?" Raife probed.

"It was good, but I'm going to sleep." I told him half way up the stairs.

_"Alright. We have been waiting for this game all season. We can't afford to fuck up, it's simply you give everything you have right here; leave everything on the field." The coached yelled_

"Ashley, are you alright? You've been clutching that right arm for awhile." He said with concern.

"Hell yea coach, it's nothing. Don't worry about it." I smiled though the pain. He turned his back and I winced. I couldn't concentrate, not with the pain shooting through my arm causing it to throb.

"Ashley, get your ass over here!" Kelly yelled. I turned and walked over.

The game started, and somehow, I managed through the pain.

I can do this, I need to do this, just focus you be fine.

Kelly passed the ball, but before I could get to it, out of nowhere a girl slide tackled me. I fall hard, I didn't get back up; I couldn't get back up.

"Ahhhh!! Please someone fucking help!!" I screamed.

The athletic trainer came and told me to turn my head. I could feel a warm liquid run down my arm.

Fuck.

I looked, seeing something out of place. That's when it hit me. The bone must have completely snapped and broke through the skin. I was in the game a total of ten minutes. Ten fucking minutes. I can't belief this shit, why now?!

I got to the emergency room and had to wait thirty minutes. The doctor finally came in to see me. Right away he knew what was wrong, he didn't even take x-rays.

_"Miss Davies, I'm sorry but your arm does not only have a open fracture but also a complete fracture. The fractures are in the forearm right by the Radius and Ulna." He said._

"Okay what the hell does that mean?" I was pissed.

"The break, not only separated the bone fragments, but also caused a piece of a fragment to pierce through the skin. I have to pop the bone back in and afterwards, we need to get you in for surgery as quick as possible." He told me

"How long will I be out?" My voice said earnestly.

"About year or maybe less, it depends on the surgery, and the physical therapy." He said compassionately.

"Fuck, why did this happen?" I cried.

I woke up, threw some clothes on, and walked downstairs.

"Dad, can you take me to the hospital?" I asked him

"Yea hold on. Ash, are you sure you want to go back there?" His voice was held by concern.

I nodded. We got to the hospital and I walked into Spencer's room. She was awake.

Thank you god.

"Hey sleeping beauty." I said with a smile. She looked up and frowned.

"What's the matter?" I asked her. There was something in her eyes, it was similar to when I saw her at the beach. My heart slowly broke for her, there was pain and anxiety drawn within her face.

"Ashley nothing is wrong, well, besides my head throbbing from the big ass cut in the back of it." She said. How can she be a smartass at a time like this?

"Spencer how did that happen to you?" Please tell me the truth, don't hide.

"I felt dizzy and I passed out. I must of hit my head on the way down." I almost believed her, but there was something in her eyes that gave her lie away.

"Okay then, I'm sorry that happened." I told her sincerely. I wish she didn't lie to me. I know we didn't know each other well, but I hoped for the truth.

"Spencer, can I ask you something?" Ashley are you really going to ask about her parents.

"Sure, since you saved my life twice and all." She smiled.

I couldn't contain the question in anymore, I had to ask.

"What happen to your parents?" Her face dropped. Oh god, how could I be such a dumbass.

"I don't want to talk about that." Spencer said.

"Please, I need to know. Why can't you tell me?" I was infuriated.

Ashley let it go, she doesn't want to talk about it.

"I saved your life twice. I think I get the right to know." I said startling her.

"When you save someone's life, it shouldn't be for ulterior motives, you save their life because you can." She spat out bitterly.

"Fine. I'll tell you. My parents were _killed._ The killer came into my house with a knife and stabbed my mother. After he, or she, were finished, they stabbed and gutted my father. You know, the worst part of it all, was me being in the other room and never knowing about the murders until the next morning. Are you fucking happy now that you got your answers? Is that what you wanted to hear?!" She screamed. It took exactly one second after that for her to completely breakdown. Her body collapsed. Oh my god...what did I do?! The doctors came in and sedated her. She had an anxiety attack caused her blood pressure to increase. I left the building not knowing what to do but escape.

I was fading. I fucked up. The guilt consumed me, and it was wearing me away.

_**I hope she'll forgive me for this.**_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N This chapter is divided into two parts. If I get any comments I will post again. In second part there will be lots of Ashley+Spencer. So comment if you want to see Ch 7part 2

It lurks in the darkness with my fears;

It freezes my heart and consumes me with tears.

One by one they trickle down from an angelic surface.

Pouring out the sorrows buried within;

It rushes through the crevices of the skin.

The feeling seeps to the core, as it edges to the floor;

The traces of pain inside relinquishes as it appears as a sore.

Fallen victim, hidden behind allusions;

Installed with perfection, causing only confusion.

A mind gone sick and twisted must stop.

I yearn to grow within and to find the cure;

Maybe I found it, even though it's not pure.

"_**They say it only takes one time to be fully addicted"**_

Ch 7 part 1: Beauty through Broken Glass

It was egging me on, pleading with them to join in the fun again. It gently kissed my skin, giving me permission to go ahead.

"It won't hurt, release it." It seductively whispered in my ear.

"I can't do that, I can't" I whispered back.

"One won't hurt, you're a big girl now Ashy." It mocked. I looked down at my body. It stood laughing at me.

"_Ashley, what kind of satisfaction do you get when you cut?" The therapist asked. I pondered the question, probing my mind for answers. _

_I sat there in silence. _

"_Ashley, what do you wish to do after school?" _

"_Well, I thought I would become a stripper." I sneered_

"_Of all the thing to wish to do, why a stripper?" Curiosity peaked in her voice._

"_Oh you know what they say about strippers." I smirked towards her._

"_I um don't actually." She shifted uncomfortably in her chair._

_I grinned before I continued. _

_My voice shifted seductively "Well, they like the pole between their legs, and it so happens I love the pole rubbing between my legs." I paused before continuing and smiled at her_

"_I think having Sapphire for a name would be a turn on, don't you think?" I leered towards her._

_Her face dropped instantly, her eyes were glued to the floor. _

"_Hmmm well, it seems I was right." I laughed._

_The rest of my hour we sat in silence._

"_Okay, we'll sit here until you're ready to talk, do make note of this you will eventually talk. For right now I'm prescribing a few medications to help chemical balance you." _

"_The first drug is Wellbutrin, it's an anti-depressant which will help with the severe mood swings and manic depression, the other drug is Zoloft which will help with the anxiety attacks." _

_She wrote me a prescription for each drug. _

"_Am I free to leave now?" I spewed_

"_Ye-" I was out the before she could finish._

I ran I didn't know where to go or where I was going; fear overpowered me. The run was surreal; my mind had switched onto autopilot. The next thing I know I'm looking up and I was at the hospital.

The guilt was devouring me, it must have been the reason for me being here. I walked to Spencer's room and heard a man's voice. When she replied she sounded defeated, which perked my interest.

"Spencer, you better not utter a fucking word of this." A man's voice said. I heard Spencer whimper.

I wasn't sure what to do, I debated my two options. One: I could go all Brave heart on his ass and probably get hurt in the process or option stay behind the scenes and figure what was going on. I opted for option two.

"Do you understand," His voice was growing furious. "Do you Spencer; do not make me repeat myself one more time." I peered in the room; he his hand was grabbing her face. She still didn't answer. Spencer just answer the question, please.

He grabbed the back of her head, which caused her to yelp in pain.

"Yes I fully understand." Her voice quivered as she answered.

"_I know she got it Cause she lookin' at me like she want it (Want It)  
She Drop it low, Make me wanna throw Some d's on it (Hey)  
Whatever it is you can't stop it, cause she get low  
When she on that pole, and that lets me know  
She got it times ten  
(psst) Whoa, She Got it, Shawty, She got it."_

What the fuck is that. It hit me, fuck. I forgot to turn off my cell phone.

"_I know she got it Cause she lookin' at me like she want it (Want It)  
She Drop it low, Make me wanna throw Some d's on it (Hey)  
Whatever it is you can't stop it, cause she get low  
When she on that pole, and that lets me know  
She got it times ten  
(psst) Whoa, She Got it, Shawty, She got it."_

Could things get worse? I felt a gaze. I slowly looked up and brown met brown. Oh god, this could not be good.

"Can I help you?" He asked. His tone underlined a hidden message.

"Yea is this Spencer Carlin's room?" I solemnly said.

"Yep this is it, why do you want to know?"

"Oh well, I'm the one that found her at school, and I heard she was in the hospital again, so I wanted to check on her." It's not like I really lied or anymore, I just merely left out few pieces of vital information.

"Oh I'm sorry about earlier, thank you so much, I don't know what I would have done if she had died." He convincingly said.

"Yea no problem, so do you mind if I see Spencer?" The words seem to have rushed out. I was curious to how he would reply.

"Sure, I need to get home anyways, oh by the way I never got your name?" He said to me.

That would be because I never gave it to you, you ass. Should I lie, no I can't do that, what if found out, he would be so pissed. I'll give him my first name. Ashley is a common name.

"It's Ashley." I left before he could get a word in. I walked into the room.

I could hear the quiet sobbing, she was broken. It was clear now, the look I saw at the beach and the hospital was torment and agony. God, what the hell has he done to her? She finally glanced up.

Blue met brown; however there was something different in her eyes. It was a combination of relief and anger. I smiled at her; I think it pissed her off more.

"Ashley what the hell are you doing here again? She bluntly stated.

"Spencer we have already been through this, I want to make sure you're alright." I candidly said to her.

"Is that so, hmmm?" She didn't seem convinced.

"Yeah" I think she was trying to figure out what I had heard in the hall.

"Okay then." She said simply.

"So when do you get out of here?" I casually asked.

"Tomorrow, why?"

For once don't be fucking stupid. This girl can't go back to that house, come up with something.

"Do you think you'll be fine to hangout tomorrow?" I blurted out

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea."

"Why not, it's not like you haven't been lying on your back for a while, what harm can come from it?" I smirked.

She caught the sarcasm in my voice, she smiled.

"Oh my god!" My voice imitated panic.

"Wa-what Ashley, is there something wrong?" Worry quickly gathered in her voice.

"Oh, you know, I thought I saw a smile." I laughed and dodged an arm.

"You're such a fucker." I laughed at her word choice.

"Yea, well I rather be a fucker, then an ass." I sneered at her. She caught the double meaning, She blushed

"Why Miss. Carlin, did I just make you blush." I snickered at her.

"Don't flatter yourself, my face just likes to show different colors." She said with a coy smile.

"Well as much fun has this been I got to go Spencer, I'll you see you tomorrow hope you're a morning person." I smiled and left.

"_I know she got it Cause she lookin' at me like she want it (Want It)  
She Drop it low, Make me wanna throw Some d's on it (Hey)  
Whatever it is you can't stop it, cause she get low  
When she on that pole, and that lets me know  
She got it times ten  
(psst) Whoa, She Got it, Shawty, She got it."_

It was Sophie. "Sophie, I should kick your ass for the other night." My voice mocked annoyance.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Miss Davies." She laughed.

"Oh don't play innocent, you ass." I rolled my eyes. Why was she calling me?

"Sophie what do you want?" I asked curiously.

"God, could you be anymore fucking impatient, you know what they say, patience is a virtue."

"Sophie I'm going to ask one more time what you want, before I hang up the phone." I was irritated now.

"Sophie, what do you want, you have ten seconds to answer." 1…2…3…4…5…6

"Okay, okay calm down, do you want to go out tonight. Jaiden and I are going to a party?" She quickly said.

"See, was that really that hard to tell me what you wanted? I call you back with my answer." I hung up the phone and walked home. My mind was dwelling in the past.

"_Why are you doing this?" My voice shook. I tried to get up but I couldn't._

"_Please, just let me go, I won't tell anyone." He wouldn't let me up, his body lied on top. He slowly pulled up my skirt. Damn it Ashley, of all the days to where a skirt, I had to pick today. My body heaved up at his touch. No, not like this, I can't give in._

"_You like this don't you bitch? Don't worry I won't tell it will be just be a secret between you me." Alcohol seeped through his pores producing a sickening fragrance. _

_I cringed as his rough hands ripped off my panties and his hands roamed over my clit. My whole body shivered. My mind raced, I tried to imagine another place and another time. _

_My Imagination wandered to the past when I was a child. I was at a beach, I remember it so vividly. The colors in the sky conveyed passion and the ocean was mesmerizing. I ran into the water, it was so clear and refreshing on my skin. I heard my parents yell, but I didn't look up, the water enthralled me. The next thing I know my dad is picking me up. I cried, I the tears flowed down and my dad stopped. _

"_Honey what's matter? He voice revealed concern._

_I didn't say anything to him. He smiled at me knowingly, and in that moment through one simple gesture my tears vanished. I knew he loved me._


	8. Ch 7 part deux

Ch 7 part two: More than Anyone

Shout out to those who read. Thank you

**"_You're scared because you don't understand... I'm scared because I do."_**

_"The worst is over now  
And we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn  
And no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

_Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away"_

_I pulled my iPod out of my ears when I entered the house._

_I walked to the kitchen and immediately heard the screams from Kyla. "God no," I cried out. I threw my bag to ground and sprinted up the stairs._

_Her door was locked. "Kyla," I screamed "Open the fucking door, please." My voice was vulnerable and desperate._

_The empty house intensified each scream, making my stomach turn. "Kyla please open the fucking door."_

_Her screams disappeared. Fuck, Fuck I can't lose her. I had a bad feeling brewing in the pit of my stomach._

_"You like this bitch don't you?" he snarled._

_His voice triggered the torment and the tears I shed while he was raping me. My blood started to boil; everything was released in one simple kick. I knocked the door down and my face turned to horror as I saw him thrust himself into my baby sister._

_He smiled at me and continued to push into her. Fuck Ashley why didn't I think before coming in here, I should have brought a knife up. Now what am I going to do? I looked around the room and noticed Kyla's bat, I made a run for it. He looked up and got off of her. He charged at me and knocked me to the ground._

_He cocked his fist back and let it go._

_Crack_

_The blood oozed down my face, my nose was broken. He was going to kill me, his eyes revealed everything. His fist connected with my face again and again. My left eye instantly swelled shut. He must have thought I was unconscious because he left to Kyla._

_I slowly picked myself up and got hold of the bat. Pay back's a bitch._

_"Hey, bastard" I shouted with the little energy I had left._

_He turned around and looked into my eyes. All my anger, pain, torment, agony, and fear were combined into hatred. My smile was taunting and he didn't move; I swung the bat. I connected with his right knee; I wanted him bowing down before me like when he made me. The next blow was to the head, his body instantly dropped to floor._

_The body lied there lifeless. I swung again, and again, each blow freed me; I was in control._

_--_

* * *

I had to still call Sophie.

"Sophie, I'll go tonight." I uttered to her.

"I'll be at your house around nine, look hot." She laughed and I hung up. That gave me only about forty-five minutes.

She called me, she was on her way. I rushed my makeup and left my hair pinned back.

I got dressed and left the room. Sophie and Jaiden were downstairs.

The streets roared with Lil' Wayne's Lollipop. I couldn't focus on the music though or my current situation for that manner. My thoughts were on Spencer.

We got in the house and instantly grabbed drinks. I grabbed a beer and walked to the couch. Jaiden was right behind me, I noticed Sophie on the dance floor with some guy. We made eye contact, I mouthed slut and she laughed. I smiled and turned my attention to Jaiden who was sipping on his Smirnoff. I got up and took his hand, we made our way to the dance floor, and Colby's What you Got came on.

_"I peeped you on the phone  
Just showin' off ya stones  
And notice that that pinky ring is right enough baby  
I know you're not alone  
But I could just be wrong  
The way them fellas houndin' and sizin' you up baby_

_And I like the way you take advantage of every man you love  
I see, I seem to know your game girl  
But I don't mind if ya come and play with us just don't talk too much  
I see, I see it to so you don't have to say a word  
Yeah those guys wanna come treat ya right  
Cause you're sweeter than apple pie  
Everything that you want you got  
Girl you know that you need to stop  
Most beautiful thing in sight  
Always takin' on the spotlight  
Always in the club lookin hot  
Girl you know that you need to stop"_

We started with distance between us as the music continued it drew us closer. The song faded into Neyo's Closer.

"_T…T…T… Turn the lights off in this place  
And she shines just like a star  
And I swear I know her face  
I just don't know who you are  
Turn the music up in here  
I still hear her loud and clear  
Like she's right there in my ear  
Telling me that  
She wants to own me  
To control me  
Come closer (closer)  
Come closer"_

_  
_My body pressed up against his chest, my hand made my way to his body, and I heard his breath hitch. I had him, I wanted him but I didn't. God this is fucked up, my emotions were pulling me into two different directions. I turned and faced him. My hips pressed into him, he readjusted his hands with each hip roll to the beat.

_"And I just can't pull myself away  
From the respect I can make  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
And I just can't bring myself away  
But I don't want to escape  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop  
I just can't stop"_

"Jaiden I'm going to get something to drink, do you want anything?" I politely asked.

"Ah nah, I'm good." He smiled.

As I turned to leave, I felt someone grab my arm. I turned to see who it was and Jaiden's lips were gently on mine.

"You look beautiful tonight." His raspy voice whispered in my ear.

I blushed, his tone was raw, and real, I knew he meant his comment.

"Thanks Jai."

I grabbed another beer and went to find Sophie. She was still having sex with the guy.

"Hey Soph, I'm going to head home, I got to be somewhere in the morning. Tell your brother bye for me." I told her.

"Aaah no you don't it's Sunday, your ass is staying." She smirked.

I gave her a 'fuck you' look and she laughed at me.

"Ash your white ass ain't going anywhere, so chill." she said.

Did I miss something she does realize her skinny ass is white too, right?

"Soph, the last time I checked there wasn't any black in you, unless my eyes do deceive me but I'm pretty sure your ass is white too." I snickered.

She laughed and replied:

"Oh no your right there isn't any black in me now… but there will be." She smirked and looked at the guy next her.

I shuddered with her response; I definitely set myself up for that. Great, now all I could think about was her doing the nasty. She is a slut.

"Eh thanks for sharing, but um I didn't really need to hear about your fuck life Sophie." Sarcasm dripped from my tone. I smiled and looked down at my cell phone.

It was twelve and I really did need to get home, no more arguing.

"Bye Sophie, don't get fucked to har… I mean fucked up to hard." I smirked with last comment and left.

I didn't understand why Spencer was on my mind but she was. God she got a fucked up deal handed to her.

--

* * *

The next morning came. I was happy, for the first time I was looking forward to something.

I walked to the hospital and pondered what Spencer and I would do. Keep it simple; the beach.

I reached Spencer's room and heard voices, I didn't want to listen but my curiosity got the best of me.

"Reagan its fine, I know you're worried, but I got it under control okay?" Spencer calmly said.

"I can't lose you Spencer, I just can't. We've been through too much shit not to make it in the end. I know you'll be okay, because well you got me, and I'm letting anything happen to you ass." She smirked and Spencer hit her on the leg.

I walked into the room and Spencer eyes were glued on mine. I could get use to that. I smiled and said hi.

"Ashley is Reagan, she one of my closest friends." Spencer said. I was relieved that one sentence cleared up my curiosity.

"Hi it's nice to meet you Reagan." I sincerely greeted.

"So this is Ashley, she's hot!" Reagan said and grinned.

I couldn't help but reply with a cheeky response.

"Well thank you, I'm glad you like what you see."

"Alright Reagan leave." She pleaded "If I don't return you know who took me, see you tomorrow." She said and laughed.

"So where are we going?" She gave me pout but I wasn't going to falter.

"Nope, you'll see when we get there." I firmly told her.

We walked to the beach it was only about ten minutes from the hospital.

"My dad use to take me here when I was younger, I loved it here." I told her.

"So Spencer tells me about yourself?" I asked. She looked at me and it seemed she was pondering on what she should say.

"How about we play twenty questions?" She said and I nodded my head.

"So how long have you leaved in L.A. for? I asked

"About ten years, I'm from Ohio originally.

"Why did you move back here?"

"It complicated." I pleaded with her not to go further and she took the hint and smiled.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Nope, not at the moment." She smiled

"Well what about a girlfriend?"

She smirked and said "Ashley I do believe it's my turn."

I smiled back and waved my hand for her to proceed. I wonder if she's gay or maybe bi-curious. I would love to see what she could….

"Are you gay Ashley?"

"Yes and no" Her confused face was cute, I grinned at her.

"I don't understand." She said

"It's my turn Spencer."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?

"Yes, I have one sister and one brother; Mia and Glen.

Do you have sibling Ashley?"

"Yes, a sister her name is Kyla."

"How old are they?

"Mia's fifteen and Glen's nineteen."

"Ashley, first love?"

"I was fourteen, and it was with my best friend. Yea I know cliché but I couldn't help how I felt.

"First kiss?"

"I was twelve and I was so nervous, I didn't know what to do, he told me to relax but I couldn't. It was probably the most awful experience in my life.

I laughed and she hit me lightly on the arm. Are eyes connected and in that moment everything was revealed.

"So Spencer last question from me, are you gay?"

"Well it depends on how you look at it. If you mean do I like girls then yes, but I try not to define my sexuality, I am who I am."

"Do you like it here in L.A.?

"Yes and no. I miss Kyla; I wish I didn't have to leave her. But I like it here because it's a new start."

"Okay now that were done let's go, we have a few more stops before I get you to my house." I told her.

Her eye brows raised and she smirked.

"Your house, Ashley I not that easy, but I can give you Reagan's number, she'd be there in a flash." She stated.

"Why Miss Carlin that's not what I heard around school, but I meant for eating." She looked at me skeptical and rolled my eyes and clarified my answer.

"Raife's cooking and told me to invite you, smart ass."

We went to a coffee shop. I wanted coffee and this gave me more of a chance to get to know her.

"So Ashley after this, can we please go somewhere alone?" she asked.

A grin slowly appeared on my face. God, her screaming my name, when she's about t-

"I mean to talk, not have sex Ashley." She smile and I rolled my eyes.

"Yep, no problem. where to then?" I asked.

She took me to a deserted park. I saw the swings and I made a run for them. Shit I forgotten she just got out of the hospital so I slowed my pace down.

"So what do you want to talk about Spencer?"

"How much did you here in the hall the other day?" Her face became serious and I could tell there was no way to hide from her, so I truthfully answered.

"Spencer, I heard everything, I didn't mean to I swear."

"Damn it, I'm sorry you had to hear that." She told me.

"Ashley can I ask you something, please don't be take offense to this, okay?"

"Why do you have all these scars over your body?" Her voice faded softly as she said scars.

"I'll tell you, if you tell me what really happen to you, no bullshit, deal?" I asked her.

"Okay" She whispered.

"I thought if I was what everybody wanted, my mom would love me again. I tried to be perfect, but I couldn't take it anymore. I lost everything and everyone in one moment. After, I started to cut to reveal the damage from within. I didn't want people to hurt me anymore, so I did it myself." I told her truthfully.

"Now it's your turn."

"After my parents were killed, the adoption agency divided us. Glen and Mia were taken in by my aunt however she didn't have enough room, so I opted to live with my Uncle Steven. He was such a nice guy and I thought everything would be great, but it wasn't. When I was about thirteen he found out I wasn't into guys and let's just say he wasn't all gay happy; that was the first day he hit me.

Anyways to make a long story short, he started to drink and after he became abusive." She said.

My stomach dropped, I wish I could kill that bastard for doing this to her, or at least go to the cops, but it wasn't my battle to fight.

"Do you want to get out of here now?"

"Yea okay," She said. I felt an arm pull me, I turned.

"Ashley you can't say word about this okay?" Her voice convicted pain and fear.

"Spencer your secrets are safe with me." I smiled towards her.

"So there's only one place left I want to go before we head to my house." I told her.

After about twenty minutes of walking we finally go to the last destination.

"Ashley what are we doing here." There was something in her tone I couldn't make out.

"Back home, I joined the gym so I could beat out the pain instead of cutting, so I thought we would come here for you." I told her.

"Come on it won't hurt, I promise." I took her hand and went through the door.

I swiped my card and went through the gate. We made our way to a bag. The instructor came by and introduced herself to Spencer and quickly started with the lesson. Spencer looked at me wearily but nodded her head to continue. After two hours of blood and sweat, we left the gym.

"So how was the experience?" I asked her. She smiled and turned at me.

"Thank you, I really need to beat the shit out of something." She smirked and I laughed.

"So how about we call Raife to pick us up, my ass can't walk anymore."

"Your ass can't walk anymore, imagine mine, I just got out of the freakin' hospital."

I simple smiled and nodded.

After about thirty minutes we got to my house. I had forgotten Spencer had never been here. She stood there gaping at the house. Although the house was too big for two people, I oddly felt comfortable and secure in it.

Raife had dinner already made. We made our way to the table and I could see how uneasy Spencer was. I walked to her and whispered, "Don't worry, your with me." I smiled and went to sit down.

"So Spencer, I know there have been a lot of people asking you this, but how are you holding up?" His eyes were warm and gentle.

"I've been better, but right now everything great." She simple said.

"So how long have you and Ashley been together?" He asked eagerly.

I laughed nervously and was about to kill him when Spencer spoke up. Dad, you just lucked out.

"Mr. D, we're not dating, we're friends." She politely said.

I think, no, I know my heart broke a little when she uttered those words. What the hell is happening to me?

"Yea Ra-," He gave me a stern look, "I mean dad, and we're just friends nothing more." I said defeated.

He rolled his eyes. What the fuck, what father rolls their eyes? I chuckled; they both looked up at me. Opps, "Sorry" I said.

"Spencer are you spending the night?" He asked her.

God I love him right now, he just scored brownie points with me. Please say yes, I wonder if she we're alone with me, would she reconsider being friends. Ah god Ashley the girl just got out of the fucking hospital and all you can think about is getting into her pants.

"I don't know, I never asked Steven if I could." Fear was in her voice.

Dad say something, please don't be a douche now, say something. He looked up and saw the plead in my eyes. This wasn't about sex now, when she said that bastards name everything resurfaced. It was simple, I was scared.

"Spencer I'll call him and ask, that won't be a problem." He told her.

"Yea, mmm Mr. D, I never told him I was hanging out with Ashley today. That might be a problem."

"No worries okay, I will come up with something." He reassured her and left the room.

It's official Raife is not a douche… anymore!

"Ashley, fuck I should have thought about that, I'm so sorry." She cried.

"Spencer, Spencer look at me, do not worry okay, and do not apologize to me; you did nothing wrong." My voice was sincere and soothing. I could see her tension slowly dissipating, she was at ease again.

Raife came back into the room and smiled. "Spencer Steven told me it's fine but you have to be home tomorrow around eleven okay?"

We headed to my room and instantly I turned my music on. It was the perfect song everything in the moment became surreal. We sat there in silence, our eyes burned into one another .

_"You need a friend  
I'll be around  
Don't let this end  
Before I see you again  
What can I say to convince you  
To change your mind of me?_

We sat there in silence, our eyes burned into one another.

_I'm gonna love you more than anyone  
I'm gonna hold you closer than before  
And when I kiss your soul, your body be free  
I'll be free for you anytime  
I'm gonna love you more than anyone._

We soaked in the words, not letting go of our gaze. In that moment we were bare, there were no more secrets.

_Look in my eyes, what do you see?  
Not just the color  
Look inside of me  
Tell me all you need and I will try  
I will try_

_I'm gonna love you more than anyone  
I'm gonna hold you closer than before  
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free  
I'll be free for you anytime  
I'm gonna to love you more than anyone"_

My eyes left hers but I could felt Spencer's eye on me. I turned back and she leaned in and our lips met. It wasn't rough, or forced. Her tongue traced my lips asking for permission. I gave it to her.

Passion, pain, loss, need, want and soul were united to form this one simple kiss. Her hand slowly traced my arm, every part of my body shivered; I was vulnerable. My heart was taken; she had it in her hand now.

_"I'm gonna love you more than anyone  
I'm gonna hold you closer than before  
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free  
I'll be free for you anytime  
I'm gonna to love you more than anyone"_

My hand slowly reached to take off her shirt. She didn't contest, the shirt was off, and I looked at her body, it was gorgeous.

"Your beautiful, Spencer." I husked in her ear.

My lips slowly made their way down just above her navel. I could hear her soft moan and traced the outline of her bra. She pulled me in for another kiss.

She pulled off my shirt and it was her turn to tease. Her hands roamed down my stomach, and stopped when she got to my waistline. Each touch made me moan and jerk slightly. My breath hitched, oh god. Her hand slipped below my waist, her finger stroked over my clit. My body buckled and another moan escaped my mouth.

She smirked and her tongue traced over my over my lips.

She read my eyes, and unhooked my bra. Her finger traced around th my left areola, her mouth sucked on the nipple. My body shifted up, I moaned into her ear. My body was weak, she was in control. The feeling felt right, but the timing was wrong.

"Spencer, Spencer please hold on. I want this, I really do, but not like this." Pain overrode my voice.

"What the hell do you mean Ashley, by not like this?" She was pissed.

"My dad is down stairs and you just got out of the hospital, please don't be mad."

"Are you fucking serious right now, I was going sleep with you, and y-you… she didn't finish the sentence.

"Is there something wrong with me, please tell me now?" Tears run down her face as she begged for an explanation.

Oh my god, what did I do? I just broke this girl, Ashley tell her how you feel.

I noticed she had got up and was walking out the door. I ran to her and turned her around. I kissed her with everything I had left; my soul and heart.

"Spencer, you're perfect, I'm falling hard for you and it's been only a few days. I don't want to rush into anything, I swear Spencer nothing is wrong with you. Please believe me." God I hope she believed me, I just poured my heart out.

They say, "**Love is giving someone the ability to destroy your heart...but trusting them not too." I hope that's true.**

She pulled me into a hug and I dragged her to the bed. Her arms wrapped around me, I was going to love her more than anyone.

_"I'm gonna love you more than anyone  
I'm gonna hold you closer than before  
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free  
I'll be free for you anytime  
I'm gonna to love you more than anyone"_


	9. Chapter 8

* * *

Ch 8: Share my World

Shout out to:

tmacluver:Thanks for commenting on each chapter, your comments made me laugh

Momo The Great: I'm glad you like this and you like the intensity.

QuitersxNeverxWin: Yea hopefully Spencer get away from the asshole. Thanks for reading

kd-walker684: I'm glad you like

Lexj: I'm glad you like this.

Eaglesenior: I'm glad you like it too.

And

Itsowhatever:Thanks for the first comment and I'm glad you like it.

Past events are in italics, so are songs.

_**So on with the story now!! COMMENT!!**_

_**"**__**Why do we close our eyes when we dream? When we cry? When we imagine? When we kiss? Because the most beautiful things in this world are unseen."**_

"I woke up and she was still there. I laughed and stared at her for few seconds. She turned, so I thought it would be the right time to get into the shower and bring her some food.

God the hot water felt good, it seemed like everything in my life was finally clicking. I got out of the shower and made my way back to my room to get clothes. It was only nine, so we had two hours before she had to go home.

I walked down the stairs and went to the kitchen. Of all the things I could cook, I opted for the cereal and made my way back up stairs.

I opened my door and smiled, she was still asleep. I put the tray on the floor and walked over to her, my hand slowly made its way to her body. I kissed her lips and lightly shook her arm.

"Spencer, you need to get up. It's about nine thirty. I got you breakfast." I pointed to the tray.

"Ashley! Thanks! I really appreciate everything especially last night." Her voice was earnest and I nodded.

"Hey, eat up and I'll take you home." I said.

"Wait, you drive? Then why the hell did we walk everywhere yesterday?" Her Irritation seemed to be underlining her tone.

"Well, it's a long story, and I promise to tell you, but we need to go." I said.

We got to the garage and I hopped into the 2007 silver Porsche Carrera Gt. Spencer just stood there.

"What the hell are you doing? Let's go." I impatiently said.

"Damn Ashley, calm down. This car is gorgeous. God you're a lucky bitch, I hate you." She pouted.

"Aww, do you want to drive it? I think I see some drool right there." I taunted and pointed to her chin.

She rolled her eyes and hopped into the car.

I turned over the ignition the car started.

"_She A Very Freaky Girl Don't Bring Her To Mamma  
First You Get Her Name Then You Get Her Number Then You Get Some Brain In The Front Seat Of The Hummer Then You Get Some Brain In The Front  
Seat Of The Hummer"_

The music blared, the system was an easy ten thousand dollars, but it was worth it. I looked over at Spencer and she shook her head. I laughed, grabbing the iPod and I switching the song.

"_I am finding out that maybe I was wrong  
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone"_

Subtly, she started to sing the lyrics. Her voice was soft, angelic like. I smiled at her, giving her a reassuring look and started to sing with her.

_"Stay with me,  
This is what I need,  
Please._

_Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you  
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?_

_I am nothing now and it's been so long  
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope_

_This time I will be listening."_

I pulled out of the garage and made my way to her house.

_"This heart, it beats, beats for only you_

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you  
My heart is yours_

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you  
My heart is yours  
(My heart, it beats for you)_

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you (It beats, beats for only you)  
My heart is yours (My heart is yours)_

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)  
My heart, my heart is yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)"/I_

It took about twenty minutes to get there. I walked her to the door. I refused to let her go by herself and until I knew she was alright. Everything seemed fine so I turned to leave and waved at her when I got to my car. I pulled out my phone and quickly texted her:

_Hey, tell me if anything happens. _

_Ash _

I sent her the text.

A few seconds later my phone vibrated and I flipped it up.

_K, I will._

I closed my phone and left.

I drove for hours and ended up at the beach. I just sat there, the water calming senses. I remember when my dad brought me here before he left my mom. She had everything right in front of her but she never realized it.

_

* * *

__"Christine, how could you do this?" He cried._

"_I'm sorry! It won't happen again, I promise!" She said defeated._

"_I'm tired of promises. You lie to me and I can't forgive this anymore. You just stabbed me too hard this time" He got up and left._

"_Dad, please don't go. I need you, please." I cried. That was the first time my heart broke._

"_Mom, what happened?" I asked_

"_Don't worry about it. It's none of your fucking business." And with that she stormed out the room._

_Seven months later Kyla was born._

I closed my eyes and everything vanished. My mind eased, and my thoughts stopped. I was at peace with myself and with everything around me. I looked once more at the water and made my way back to the car_._

I got home and a letter was on the table. There was no post mark or identification. I open the 

letter carefully, I was unsure what to expect. Of course it was a simple letter and I unfolded it.

I read the letter a few times before putting it down. The tears trickled down my face, god why now?

It was one sentence that broke me.

All over again.

_You need to come home._

Spencer, I can't leave her now. I love her, god I love her. If something happened to her, I would never be able to forgive myself. I had to call her, god I hope the ass isn't there right now.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey, is Steven there?" I asked her.

"No, he left for a few days. Why Ashley?"

"Will you go on a date with me tonight?" I pleaded

"Yes, when will you pick me up?" She said excitedly. I smiled through the tears streaming down my face.

"Around five. That gives you two hours. Be ready!" I sternly told her.

"Fine, any other request, I'd like to know now, so I can perform them later." I could feel her smug look.

I laughed, "Yes. Wear something comfortable. You can get dressed up if you want, but there is no need." I hung up and made my way upstairs.

I looked through my clothes pondering what the hell to wear. I went simple. Grey pair of skinny jeans with a black strapless halter top. I straighten my hair and put eyeliner and mascara on. Throwing on some sandals, I was out the door.

I finally got to Spencer's house, I was so nervous and anxious. I walked to her door and she opened it. She was beautiful. She had on pair of jeans on and a blue backless halter top. The top accented her eyes. I smiled and gave her a kiss.

"So, are you ready?"

"Yes." Her eyes gleamed with her response.

God, this is going to break her when I tell her. She doesn't need to know just yet.

I took her hand and intertwined our fingers.

We got into the car and left to go to the first surprise of tonight.

I parked the car and we made our way to the club. I smiled at her and she looked at me oddly.

My lips made their way to her ear, "Don't worry, trust me." I whispered.

She nodded her head and followed behind me. The guy looked at me and motioned me in. I smiled and gave him a quick thank you.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Yes, can I get a coke?" She asked.

"Yep I'll get it. I want you to find a table, okay?"

She nodded her head in response and made her way to the table.

I had a waitress bring Spencer back her drink. I needed to get ready for the surprise.

"Hey Eddie, am I ready to go on?" I smiled and asked.

"Yea kiddo. Good luck!" He gave me hug and left.

"Hey guys, I want you to give this next act a warm applause, this is her first live performance." He told the audience.

The clapping was initiated and my nervousness overwhelmingly increased. What the fuck did I get myself into? I hope this doesn't back fire. I want to swoon Spencer, not embarrass her, or myself. Please voice, don't disappoint me now.

I walked onto the stage. Oh fuck here goes nothing.

"Hey guys, I want to dedicate this song to a special someone in the crowd, she knows who she is." Our eyes connected and my nervousness dissipated.

I went to grab my guitar, I placed the strap on my shoulder and started to pick the first verse. My eyes connected with hers, I smiled and begun to sing.

"_Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in  
Because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside  
Share with me the secrets that you kept in  
Because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside"  
_

My eyes never left hers, our eyes burned into one another._  
_

_"And your slowly shaking finger tips  
Show that your scared like me so Let's pretend we're alone  
And I know you may be scared  
And I know we're unprepared  
But I don't care_

Tell me, tell me  
What makes you think that you are invincible?  
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure  
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable  
Impossible"

Here it goes...

"I was born to tell you I love you  
Isn't that a song already?  
I get a B in _originality_

_And it's true I can't go on without you  
Your smile makes me see clear  
If you could only see in the mirror what I see_

_And you're slowly shaking finger tips  
Show that you're scared like me so  
Let's pretend we're alone  
And I know you may be scared  
And I know we're unprepared  
But I don't care_

_Tell me, tell me  
What makes you think that you are invincible?  
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure  
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable  
Impossible"_

There was something her eyes I couldn't read, god please be good. I searched deeper in her eyes for answers. She smiled and that was all I needed.

_"Slow down girl -- you're not going anywhere  
Just wait around and see  
Maybe I am much more you never know what lies ahead  
I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything  
Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed  
I can be anyone, anything, I promise I can be what you need"  
_

I continued to sing to her, I wanted her to know everything I had, was hers. I loved her. She was the first person I was willing to admit it to. My heart was hers.

_"Tell me tell me  
What makes you think that you are invincible?  
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure  
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable  
Impossible. I was born to tell you I love you, I love you"_

_I_ closed my eyes hoping she would like this. I wanted to give her something intimate; I wanted her to have a piece of me. I finished the song and immediately was welcomed back to reality the crowd was giving me a standing ovation. I opened my eyes and they met hers, she smiled and I bowed.

"Thank you guys so much." I told them

I forced myself through the crowd to get to Spencer. I couldn't find her. Where the fuck was she? I felt someone's hand in mine. I turned around and there she was. Leaning forward, our lips meet in a passionate kiss.

"Let's get out of here; I have one more place to go." I whispered seductively in her ear. Grinning, we made our way out of the club. I opened her door and we left.

"So, where are we going?" Curiosity seeped through her voice.

"Be patient, you'll see." I told her.

We pulled up to the next stop and she laughed at me. I help her out of the car, and follow her to the swings. We sit there and absorb the comfortable silence we've both released.

"So, I hope the song was okay, and you liked it?" My voice was weak and weary.

"I loved it, that's one of best thing someone's done for me in a long time. You made me feel like I was the only one in the world. You didn't have a hidden agenda, it was simply for me. This right here…" she pointed to her heart "is yours and these right here…" She pointed to her lip "are yours. No one else's."

I was about to cry but I couldn't. I took her hands and brought them to my lips, kissing them. I looked at her and told her we had to go.

"Okay, so I lied. We have one more place to go." I smiled towards her and looked back at the road. My heart was beating fast, my thoughts racing back and forth.

The last stop was my house. I walked her to the door, opening it, and led her to living room. Raife was out of town, so this was the perfect time.

"Oh god, this is beautiful." She said animatedly.

Rose pedals laid the path to living room. I took her hands and walked to the living room. The candles were the only light produced in the room.

"So, I thought I would give you a private show. Just for you." I smirked and walked to get my guitar.

"Spencer, please sit down for this?" I laughed and she obliged.

"I just want you to know this song is a work in progress." And with that I started to sing.

_"My whole life has changed  
Since you came in  
I knew back then you were that special one  
I'm so in love so deep in love you make my life complete  
you are so sweet no one competes  
glad you came into my life  
you blind me with your love  
with you I have no sight"_

_"_Spencer, will you dance with me?" I anxiously asked her.

I put my guitar down and I took her hand and pulled her closer. My lips were to her ear as I sang the rest of the song to her.

_"Girl you open me,  
I'm wide open and  
I'm doing things I never do but  
I feel so good,  
I feel so good  
why it take so long for me finding you  
this is my story and  
I'm telling you it's not fiction it's surely a fact without you  
right here having my back  
__I really don't know just where I'd be at"_

Our eyes connect and my heart practically explodes. There's a certain fire burning within those blues, and damn are they setting me on fire. It's not a look of lust.

No.

It's a look of pure, beautiful, radiant love.

My singing becomes a bit stronger. She needs to know I feel the exact same way.

Always.

_"I analyzed myself  
I was buck wild never thought about settling down  
but all the time I knew  
I was ready  
but girl I put you first  
now you made me help mold me turned me into a woman  
I'm so responsible and I owe it all to you_

_God blessed me girl  
he was good to me when he sent you  
I'm so happy baby share my world  
I'm so in love  
I'm addicted to your love baby"_

_The song ended and I held her tightly I didn't want to let her go. I wanted this night to last, but deep down I knew it wouldn't._

_I_ took her to the couch and my lips instantly found hers. My tongue was massaging her bottom lip, asking for entrance. She gave in and my tongue found hers. Our tongues gently grazed one anothers. It felt so good; I softly let out a moan. We broke apart and went upstairs.

"Spencer, are you sure you want this?"

"God, more than anything." What she said was final.

Her body was on mine, her mouth sucking on my neck.

Fuck.

She slowly removed my shirt and stared. I laughed and flipped her over. Pulling her shirt off, I stared, she's beautiful.

My tongue made its way down and stopped right above at her bra. I slowly unclasped it and threw it to the floor. Her left nipple was in my mouth, I felt her body jerk.

I wanted to take it nice and slow. I knew we had plenty of time. I brought my lips back towards her and my finger traced her right nipple and roamed around her stomach. She moaned; I smirked.

"God Ash, please."

"Patience is a virtue, Spence." I said grinning and worked my way to her neck. I sucked on it, making sure to leave a mark. I stopped and unzipped her pants, sliding them off her.

My hand reached lower, I could feel the wetness seeping through her panties. I slowly rubbed her clit, my lips were still on her neck. Her body buckled with each touch. I pulled my hand out, and brought it to her lips. I traced over them and moved my lips to replace my fingers.

I brought my hand back down below, gently pushing two fingers into her core. I probed to see how deep I could go.

"Fuck, Ashley."

I moved my mouth down her body; licking between her breasts, around her belly button, and down to her thighs.

I took my tongue and slowly licked her inner thigh, removing her panties in the process. I licked my way to her outer lips. God she was so smooth. I spread her legs apart, opening her lips and looked for a moment. I heard her breath hitch and her body contorted upwards.

I gently stroked her vulva until her stomach jerked upward.

"Please stop teasing." Her voice was desperate.

I made my focus on her clit, gently sucking on it. Her hips met my lips. Each suck forced her stomach to heave up. Our rhythm was in sync. I paused,

"Spencer are you alright?" My voice was sincere and comforting. I wanted to make her at ease.

"Yes god, yes, don't stop!" She shouted. I laughed and continued.

I added a finger and slowly started to thrust into her. Her moans grew louder and more frequent. I added another finger inside she let out a low scream. I pulled my mouth to her lips and I could feel her trembling from the thrusting.

I felt her breath on my ear, "I'm so fucking close," she whispered. Her voice turning seductively and she told me, "You better be ready, I'm going to make you scream." Her eyes closed again and I could feel her grow tighter around my fingers.

I knew she was close and I continued to use my fingers. I brought my mouth to her left nipple and started to suck on it.

"Fuck." She screamed. Any minute now, I counted down. … her body buckled up… 6.5...her breathing growing rapid...my hand was drenched.

"Ah god, Ashley!" She shouted. Her body collapsed and her eyes were closed. I laughed and wrapped her in my arms.

This moment was perfect, everything was right, but tomorrow would bring us back to reality.


	10. AN

Clears Throat "Is this on" Taps mike

Hello Lovely people,

I'm hitting a snag with the story. Your probably wondering 'Why is she?' well let me tell you. There are so many paths I can take this story and I have no fucking clue which one to take.

I still don't have any idea what to do about the letter and no frikin clue how to tell Spencer. AHHHHHHHHHHHH... anyways since there are many different scenarios (I don't think that is how you spell that so I'm sorry) I can go you have to wait. I have about a quarter or maybe less of the chapter finished if that's worth anything.

So until I figure that out I won't post until Tuesday or Wednesday possibly even Thursday. However it will be worth the wait. :D

Well until Tuesday or Wednesday or even Thursday.

I'm glad you like the smutty chapter I posted beforehand. So See ya then.

Sorry and much love

L.G.

Turns mike off


	11. Chapter nine

Past Events, songs, notes, texts and oh that it are in italics

Chapter Nine: So Much to Say

"_**The only girls worth loving are the ones that will take time just to be with you**_**."**

"_She's losing too much blood!" The doctor said_

"_Get me a blood transfusion now!" He commanded._

"_We need to get her prepped for surgery." He ordered the staff._

_My eyes grew heavier, I tried to keep them open, but I couldn't._

"_Hey you're going to fine, hang in there" The nurse said._

_--_

"_Miss., are you alright?" The police officer asked me. He actually seemed concerned; there was sympathy in his eyes._

_Of course, I couldn't accept his kindness and say something polite, that wouldn't be me, now would it?_

"_No, does it fucking look like I'm okay?" I spat out. _

_My thoughts raced back and forth. _

_Damn it she can't die. _

_Why does it seem everyone always leaves me? _

_I wished I killed him sooner. _

_God I hope my mother gets here, but most importantly I hope Kyla makes it._

_What if she doesn't?_

_--_

"_Why the fuck did you do it?" She asked._

_I pondered the question before opening my mouth. Could she honestly be that fucking clueless? She can't be that fucking blind, my reason was obvious. God I wonder if she realizes I'm not listening. Her mouths moving, it kind of reminds me when the teachers in Charlie Brown speak and it's 'Waaaa…waaaa…waaa….waaaa'. I never truly understood wh-_

__

_**Smack**_

"_Ashley, I'm going to ask you one more time, do you fucking understand? Nod you head yes or no." She said condescendingly. _

_I rolled my eyes. _

_Wrong answer!_

_**Smack **_

_I guess I deserved that. I laughed and shook my head. _

"_Do you think this is funny? You just fucking killed that best thing in my life."_

_Something finally snapped. I could take the beatings, the rapes, even the verbal abuse, but that statement 'he was the best thing' broke me. _

"_Fuck you! God, you're such a fucking bitch." The venom dripped from my voice. I wanted my words to cut her deep enough for her to feel a glimpse of what I was feeling. _

_She tried to speak but I quickly cut her off._

"_And are you fucking serious? Of all things to be the best in your life, you side with a rapist who raped your children; your own flesh and blood. You know what mother I hope I see you in hell."I screamed at her. I couldn't fathom her stupidity or blindness anymore. Doesn't she realize the world around her is collapsing and ending?_

"_Oh and one more thing Mother, you asked why I killed him? I killed the fucker simply because I could. And I forgot to tell you, the best thing in your life is at the hospital, possibly dying." I snarled to her. There was nothing more to be said._

_There was no retaliation, she was silent. I hope I got through to her and she realized this wasn't about her for once._

_--_

I opened my eyes. Tears were streaming down my face. I looked over and Spencer's eyes were burning into mine. They were searching for answers to the mystery.

"Tell me?" She whispered. Her tone was calming and comforting.

I couldn't tell her, it would jeopardize this relationship or at least what I hoped this was we shared.

"Spencer what are we?" My voice quivered. I was scared of how she was going to answer. I couldn't deal with another heart break.

"Ashley I want you, and only you." She paused before continuing "Will you be my girlfriend?" Her voice conveyed love, the only thing I ever wanted.

Words could not describe how I felt. This moment was seemed so serene. I have waited for years for someone to want me, just me and nothing else.

"Ashley, um are you going to answer?" Her voice shuddered.

I was pulled back to reality.

"God yes, I'm so sorry for making you wait, I just needed to process this moment. I wanted to make sure this was real." I told her.

She laughed and leaned in to capture my lips. Her lips were tender against mine; they gave me reassurance and hope.

"So are you going to tell me about earlier?" Her voice was seldom again.

I can't believe I'm going to say this but:

"We need to get some sleep, for school tomorrow. You know since you're with me now, you need to look your best." I smirked.

"Yeah whatever, you're an ass." Her tone was stern.

"Aw I was kidding, come on Spence."

She turned and laughed.

"Your too easy, Miss. Davies!"

"Are you sure I'm the easy one?!" I sneered back.

"…"

"Uh huh, that's what I thought. See you in the morning." I grinned.

I snuggled towards her and gave her a kiss.

--

"Spence wake up!" I told her. Uh I guess we're going to have to do this the hard way.

I went under the covers and slowly raised her shirt. My fingers roamed over her nipples. My tongue quickly replaced my fingers.

I gradual made my down her body with my mouth. I sucked right above her navel and continued to make my way south.

She moaned and I continued to make my way further down. My lips rubbed against her clit. My fingers traced over each of her lips, while my tongue explored her.

I stopped.

"Hey there sleepy head, I'm glad you're up!" I grinned towards her.

She groaned and replied

"Fuck you, now I'm horny."

"Well, you could always take a cold shower." I paused a second "or you know, you could always finish yourself off while I…" I kissed her, my tongue slipped in and she whimpered. "Jump into the shower." I smiled and hoped off the bed.

Twenty minutes later I came back into the room.

"So do you need to take a shower?" I curiously asked.

She smirked, grabbed a towel and made her way to the shower.

--

Reality's a bitch.

We got out of the car and headed to class.

Our hands interwoven seemed to create a frenzy amongst our peers. I was nervous, I looked up at Spencer and she smiled. It was a simple everyday gesture but it washed away my fear.

I noticed Jaiden in the corner, he looked defeated. I smiled towards him and he gave me weak smile and turned away.

I fucked up. He liked me, anyone who had eyes could see, but I didn't care.

Fuck.

I turned my attention back to Mr. Reck. He was talking about the themes in Tennessee William's _A Streetcar Named Desire_.

I loved that play. However I felt horrible for Blanche, she always seemed to get the short end of the stick.

"Ashley." Mr. Reck said

"Yes"

"What do you suppose is Blanche's main flaw in the play?" He voice was stern.

"Her denying reality." He nodded his head so I continued. "She wants acceptance and love but never truly manages to achieve either. Her first love turns out to be gay which breaks her. Not dealing with the pain and agony causes her to resort to exploiting her body to feel glimpses of love through desire. Blanche even says, 'I don't want realism. I want magic!' which exposes her true character." I answered.

"Excellent, I'm glad you actually pay attention to something." He smirked and looked around the classroom for his next victim.

What a fucker!

"Spencer Carlin" He shouted.

She moaned and lifted her head off the desk.

"Yes Mr. Reck."

"Describe Stella."

She rubbed her head and began to answer

"Stella is Blanche's younger sister and she is married to Stanley. Stella starts out as a median between the two characters Stanley and Blanche. However her main flaw is being submissive which causes her to be victim to Stanley's abuse both physically and emotional. Her Submissiveness is a key role in the play; it not only allows her ignore the fact that Stanley rapes Blanche but it also allows her to send Blanche to a mental institution." She said.

"Good, Miss Carlin." He told her.

I smiled at her and heard the bell ring.

"Hey you want to ditch the rest of the day, seeing how we have French and Ceramics next?" I pleaded with her. I needed to tell her about the letter, there was no way around it.

"I can't, I want to but if Steven finds out about the ditching, I would be fucked." Pain crept into her voice.

I sighed

"When is he suppose to come home?" I asked. The curiosity sneaked into my voice.

"Tomorrow, I think." She said. There was an uncertainty in her voice that worried me.

--

The rest of the day was a blur. The scenes seemed to unfold right in front of me without my say so. The letter was tormenting me, eating away at me. I needed to know what it meant but at what cost. Am I willing to lose Spencer; my heart and security all at once?

I wanted to scream, or cry, or cut, or even all of the above, just to release the pain and stress. I shook the thought and reapplied my smile.

The bell rang and I was out the door.

I noticed Spencer. I grinned and walked towards her.

"Hey Gorgeous, do you need a ride?" I leered at her.

She smiled at me.

"No sorry, I'm waiting for my girlfriend." She said.

"Oh is she a brunette about my size with gorgeous brown eyes, a nice ass and a killer smile?" I cockily asked.

She pondered before speaking.

"Nope, you must have the wrong girl." she simply said and left.

I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn't believe she left. What an ass!

I felt a hand on me and I turned around.

"You forgot to say with a hot blonde girlfriend." She laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh don't be mad Ashy, I was kidding." She mocked at me.

It finally clicked.

"You're an ass!" She laughed even harder.

"Payback's a bitch, and what you did to me was ten times as worse." She said and got in the car.

"Spencer I need to tell you something." The nervousness in my voice was apparent.

"Okay, um what's up?" She asked.

How could I tell her I'm leaving and I unsure of when would be back?

"I'll tell you when we get to your house." I solemnly told her.

We didn't talk the rest of the car drive. The music hummed in the distance, my mind was too wrapped up with different ways to tell her about the letter.

I could approach subtly,

Or possible I should address it straight forward

Or I could lie and not tell her.

I pulled into the drive way and got out. We made our way onto the couch.

Here goes.

I kissed her.

"Spencer I love you." I said honestly.

She kissed me.

Her teeth gently nibbled on my bottom lip, god it felt good. Her tongue made its way to mine, deepening the kiss. I gave out a soft moan and wanted to stop but I couldn't. I unzipped her pants and slowly took them off. My hand slipped under her panties; god she was so wet. I removed my hand and brought them to my lips. My hand started to wander again this time under her shirt, my lips crept down her neck stopping right above her shirt.

"I don't think we will need this." I smirked and pulled her shirt off.

"No wait, I need to tell you something." I urgently said.

"Can it wait, please?" She said. Her eyes pleaded with me, damn it.

"Yes." I said.

God I fucked up again, I'm going to regret that.

She flipped me and unzipped my pants.

"I like this side of you Spencer." I lowered my voice even more "It's hot."

Suddenly she stops.

"Sorry I didn't mean for this to happen." She said.

What the hell? Is she talking to me? What does she mean she didn't mean for this to happen? I'm pretty sure that she's the one on top of me. Let me check, yep.

"Spencer it's okay, I remember being a teenager to once." He calmly said and then laughed.

Oh fuck me now.

"Hey Mr. Carlin, I'm really sorry about this. It's my fault, she said no, but I kept bugging her about it." I lied to him.

I didn't believe this calm façade he had on.

My heart was pounding, I was scared for Spencer.

"Ashley I think you need to go, okay? She said keeping her voice composed. However her eyes were saying something differently.

What do I do?

"Okay Spencer, I'll see you tomorrow at school bright and early." I half shouted.

"Oh and once again I'm sorry about this Mr. Carlin." I smiled and left.

--

I got home, Raife still wasn't home. It kind of scary being in the house alone, it made me nervous. I had no one here.

There wasn't anything to do so I threw on some music and started my homework.

I must have fallen asleep because I heard a knock on the door. I looked at the clock, it was three in the morning. What the hell? Who would be here so early? I got to the door, and opened it.

I know I'm a bitch for leaving you hanging. My bad!! Snickers


	12. Chapter 10

Okay so I heard this song called _Sensible heart_ by City and Colour, it made me so sad and teary. I also wrote this chapter listening to it repeatedly so this chapter is a tear jerker or just plain sad. By the way check out the song it's great which is why I titled my chapter it.

**Dream like state in Italics **

Chapter Ten: Sensible Heart

"_**Hatred is the Coward's revenge for being intimidated."**_

"Spencer, what are you doing here?"

She didn't answer. Her silence frightened me.

"Come in." I insisted.

She stumbled in the door way. The light reached her; the scene in front of me finally registered.

I closed my eyes; I wanted to shut out the world. I gazed back at Spence, I was speechless.

Her face was scarcely noticeable. Shit, how many times did he hit her to cause so much damage? Her right eye was swollen shut. There seemed to be a gash under her left eye, and her nose appeared to be broken. Blood was running down her face seeping into her shirt.

Oh god what did he do?

"Ashley," She paused for a second to regain her composure and then continued. "I'm so sorry; I had no other place to go." She said defeated.

I'm going to kill him.

I went to help her in the house. I grabbed her side to carry her upstairs.

"Ow, fuck." She cried out. The tears trickled down her face.

What did I do? Damn it I didn't mean to hurt her.

"It's my ribs." Her breath became shallow as she shrieked.

I pulled her shirt up, fuck, her abdomen was completely bruised. There were two possible reasons for this, he either punched her repeatedly, or he simple gave her two swift kicks in the stomach. Either way I'm sure she had a cracked or broken rib(s).

I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he had beaten her. I wanted to breakdown. I knew the reason behind her beating was because of me. It was my fault she was barely breathing.

I released a frustrated sigh before saying anything.

"I'm sorry Spencer. Fuck this is my fault, he shouldn't have punished you, damn it." I feebly said.

"Ashley I don't regret anything that happen between us, if this what I have to deal with, then I will."

"How the fuck can sit here and say that Spencer? You're willing to endure beatings to be with me. Spencer do you realize how fucked up that is? He could have killed you, if anything happened…" my voice trembled mid sentence, "I wouldn't be able to survive it."

"Damn it Ashley, let it go." Her voice was frail.

Pain must have shot through her; she winced and grabbed her side.

"Spencer we have to take you to the hospital. We don't know what's broken and or if there is any internal damage?" I said panicked.

"Please, we need to go now." I whispered in her ear.

"We can't, if he finds out, I'm good as dead." She sobbed.

I nodded.

Tears were pouring down her face. I tried to wipe them away, but I didn't want to hurt her anymore.

"Ashley, it hurts so fucking badly." She exclaimed.

"Spencer I know, we need to get you to a hospital. I'm not taking no for a fucking answer this time." I solemnly stated.

She nodded her head and I made my way to her and but I was too late.

**Thud**

She collapsed, she wasn't moving.

I checked to see if she was still breathing. She was, however it was shallow and her heartbeat seemed faint.

My heart broke, please not again. I can't lose her.

I wish this was happening to me, I wish I could take her pain.

I pulled out my phone and dialed 911.

"Ma'am what is the emergency?" the voiced asked.

"My girlfriend is unconsciousness, she's been beaten severely." I remarked.

"Help is on its way." I hung up.

I got on my knees once again and began to pray.

God, please forgive me for my sins. Please if you're out there, listen to my prayer, nothing can happen to Spencer. If I lose her I don't have anything, you'd be tearing my heart out. Protect her and I will do anything, anything. Don't take her like Kyla please.

I screamed in frustration while the tears drenched my face.

Damn it, where the hell are they?

I heard the sirens and rushed to open the door. They came in and carefully placed Spencer on the stretcher. Everything seemed parallel to my past.

I hopped into the ambulance, and hoped we weren't too late.

"We need to bag her quickly." The paramedic urgently said.

The other nodded and began to work on her.

--

We reached the hospital and they rushed her inside.

I sat there, in utter shock. I was alone.

The darkness isolated around me; everything was fading. This moment was destructive; there wasn't any intent or motive, but it was tearing me apart. My façade was slipping I couldn't be stronger any longer. I wanted to kill Steven for this. I wanted to submit my will and relinquish the anger. I needed this and I was owed this.

I closed my eyes and walked inside the hospital. The smell, conjured up the forgotten past.

God, I had to get out of here. I didn't know how much longer I could withstand my emotions.

"Excuse me; is there any information on Spencer Carlin yet?" I asked the nurse.

"I'm sorry hun, she's still in surgery." Her voice was calm.

For some reason it pissed me off, how could someone be so fucking calm when my heart could be dying.

'Breathe Ashley, just breathe.'

"Thanks for nothing." I spat at her.

I knew I shouldn't be angry at her but I didn't fucking care.

--

I sat in the waiting room, wishing I was dreaming.

I noticed the nurse look at me, I felt bad for snapping at her.

"I'm sorry, it just Spencer is my gi-friend and…" I broke down before even finishing my sentence.

"It's okay sweetie, how long have you guys been together?" She smiled.

I was in shock again. I was unsure how to answer.

"Um not that long, but it feels like years. We just click, she is everything I want and need." I directly said.

She nodded her head and smiled again.

"I'll tell you when she's out of surgery." She grinned.

I nodded my head, I pushed back the tears.

--

A few hours passed and the nurse shook me.

"Darling, she's out of surgery, she stable but still being monitored." She whispered to me.

"Ma'am wait, why did she need surgery?" I asked eagerly. My hands began to shake and my eyes wanted to leak again.

"I'm not suppose to disclose information to people who are not family, but they had to repair the internal bleeding and a punctured lung." Her voice was austere but at the same time comforting.

"Thank you. When can I see her?"

"I can sneak you in, but only for a moment." She said with sympathy.

I smiled warmly at her and then followed her.

I got to Spencer's room; I gasped and turned away.

'Be strong, you have to now. Everything else needs to be forgotten' I told myself. I went by her bedside, she was so fragile and still. My hand reached hers and I pulled it in for a kiss.

"Spencer I'm going to make this right." I whispered gentle in her ear.

"I have to leave now but I will be back, I promise." I told her sincerely.

I kissed her forehead and turned to go.

I called for a taxi since I had no other way to get home.

The taxi came and I hopped in.

"Where to?" He asked.

"I'll give you directions, is that okay?"

"Sure, no problem." He quickly said.

About twenty minutes we were at the destination. I paid and got out of the taxi.

Here goes…

I knocked on the door. I waited and knocked again.

"Ashley what are you doing here?"

"You know why, you stupid fuck." I seethed

I let the anger course through my body. I wanted him to pay like Spencer did.

I punched him with everything I had left; he stumbled back. He came towards me and punched me back in the face. My lip was spilt and I could taste the blood rush into my mouth.

Fuck that hurt.

"Do you fucking know how much pain you caused me? No, well I'll show you!?"

"Get the fuck off my property, you fucking dyke." He shouted.

"Hey you want to know something, that fucking freak deserved everything she got. She's a disgrace. Her parents would be so fucking ashamed of her, if they saw what I did." He laughed. His laugh was purely evil.

That was fucking it, he hit my last nerve.

I walked over and punched him square in the mouth.

My ticker just went off; **boom**. The adrenaline coursed through my veins. I punched him in the stomach causing him to double over. I got on more hit in, a right hook. He spat the blood at me and shook his head.

"You fucking bitch!" He yelled

I went to get in another hit but he grabbed my hand and quickly retaliated. He sucker punched me in the face. My vision was blurry and caused me to stumble off the porch. He came at me, but noticed the neighbors watching and retreated back into the house.

I laughed and spit the blood from my mouth towards him.

"Why'd you stop? Do you have a problem with an audience Stevie Boy?" I sarcastic said.

"Are you afraid that your dirty little secret might slip out and ruin your good name?" I laughed

"You little bitch, you wouldn't?" He questioned.

"Try me and fucking find out, I'm going to make your life a fucking nightmare." I leered at him and turned to leave.

"Oh, one more thing, see you in hell!"

I finally got to my house and went to bed. My face hurt like a mother, but somehow I fell asleep.

--

"_Ashley why the hell did you do that, he could have killed you?" She asked._

"_What hell is going on here? I don't understand" I asked. _

"_Don't be so fucking dense and answer the question." She said_

"_Why the hell did you do confront Steven?" She demanded_

"_Because I had to!?" I spat back at her._

"_Damn it Ashley, you can't end up like me. Fuck I don't understand you sometimes." _

_Her words were like knives, they cut me deeper than anything before. I clinched my teeth before I responded back to her._

"_When you came to my house like that, it tore me apart because I know I did that to you. I may not of been the abuser but I was the reason you were beaten almost to death. If I lose you, there's nothing left for me, do you realize that?" I cried out._

_She nodded and left._

I couldn't handle it anymore, I cried even harder. What was happening to me?


	13. Chapter 11

Songs are in italics, so are Ashley's thoughts. This story is coming to an end!! Just letting you know!!

Chapter Eleven: The Way you make me feel

"_**Love is that mountain we must climb  
Let's climb it together your hand in mine  
We haven't known each other too long  
But the feeling I have is Oh so strong  
I know we can make it, there's no doubt  
We owe it to ourselves to find it out"**_

_**-Give me Just a little more Time  
**_

I woke up pretty shitty and I convinced Raife to let me stay home. He was sympathetic about the situation from last night and allowed me to stay home. However there was no way in hell I was going to actually stay home. I got into my car and made my way to the hospital.

I finally reached the hospital. I walked through the sliding doors and turned to go to Spencer's room.

I noticed the nurse smiling at me. I waved and walked towards her.

"Hey Dani, how's Spencer today?" I asked eager. I hope and prayed she was doing well. There could have been so many complications during the surgery or when she was resting.

"Well Hun, why don't you find out for yourself?" She smiled and laughed as she turned to go.

I was in shock, but it quickly faded when I ran to Spencer's room.

_About time I know she's fine. I think she gave me enough heart attacks for a life time. Oh and not to mention how much life she's stole from my youth, by scaring the shit out of me._ I laughed and shock my head of the thoughts.

I continued to run to her room, which wasn't my smartest moment, seeing how she was on the third floor. _'Jesus I think I gave myself heart attack.'_

_Spencer and I need work together on some extracurricular activities when she's better.'_I smirked.

_How come whenever I need a fucking elevator I can't find one? Where the hell is the elevator?'_

Finally made it to her room and I poked my head in the room.

I watched her. Despite everything she still took my breath away.

I strolled in the room, I felt her eyes burn into.

"Hello beautiful." I said as I gave her kiss on the forehead.

"How can you say that? Let's face it, I look like shit." She bluntly stated.

I laughed and she glared at me.

"Aw don't say that Spence. You know what I want to tell you a secret." I seductively said and gave her a wink.

She laughed. "Okay what's this big secret?" Curiosity peeked in her voice.

I snapped my fingers and got up.

'_I wish I had a camera, her face was priceless.' _

"_Hee-Hee!  
Ooh!  
Go On Girl!  
Aaow!"_

_Holly shit I never realized how hard it was to hit those notes._

"_You knock me off of me feet, aw baby"_

'_Here comes the kick then spin move. I pulled it off… almost.'_

Thud

"Damn Ash, I didn't think I literally knocked you off your feet?" She snickered.

_Shit that hurt my ass, note to self never do that again._

"Oh, by the way how's your ass?" She smirked

I flipped her off.

"Okay not exactly what I had in mind." I laughed "Let's try this again." I said

"_Just Kiss Me Baby  
And Tell Me Twice  
That You're The One For Me."  
_

My eyes burned into hers. She tried to smile, but never fully formed one. I chuckled and continued singing.

"_The Way You Make Me Feel  
(The Way You Make Me Feel)  
You Really Turn Me On  
(You Really Turn Me On)"  
_

I pointed at her as I was thrusting my hips into the air. I smirked and spun… successfully.

_You Knock Me Off Of My Feet  
(You Knock Me Off Of  
My Feet)  
My Lonely Days Are Gone  
(My Lonely Days Are Gone)_

I Like The Feelin' You're Givin' Me  
Just Hold Me Baby And I'm In Ecstasy  
Oh I'll Be Workin' From Nine  
To Five  
To Buy You Things To Keep  
You By My Side  
I Never Felt So In Love Before  
Just Promise Baby, You'll  
Love Me Forevermore  
I Swear I'm Keepin' You  
Satisfied  
'Cause You're The One For Me

_The Way You Make Me Feel  
(The Way You Make Me Feel)  
You Really Turn Me On  
(You Really Turn Me On)  
You Knock Me Off Of My Feet  
Damn girl_

I touched her skin and pulled back as I made the sizzling sound. She laughed and my index finger slowly crept to her lips silencing her. My voice became more seductively for the last few verses. Her breath hitched and I could feel her tremble under my touch.

_Now Baby-Hee!  
(You Knock Me Off Of  
My Feet)  
My Lonely Days Are Gone-_

_  
(My Lonely Days Are Gone)_

I Never Felt So In Love Before. Promise Baby, You'll Love Me  
Forevermore…

The song ended and I bowed.

'_Despite making an ass out of myself, I'm glad I did it. To see her light up made the foolish act worth it. I can see a shared future with Spencer and if it takes a simple Michael Jackson to make her happy, I would do it a million times over.'_

"Bravo, Bravo." She half shouted.

I felt my cheeks turn warm, yep I was blushing. _'Damn blush you traitor.'_

"Aw you're too kind, I'm glad I can please you though." I grinned at her.

_It's officially I am head over heels for her, and completely and utterly whipped._

"Well Miss. Carlin, when do you get out of this shit hole?" I sternly asked; however within a few seconds a smile slowly crept on my face.

"Why, don't you have a way with words." She grinned and then continued. "I get out in about three weeks and Glen said he's going to try and get custody of me. About time that ass did something." She laughed.

I stared at her. My eyes were transfixed on her face; there was some sort of glow about her that caught my gaze.

"What?" Spencer asked curiosity.

"Nothing, I was just you know, intoxicated by your beauty." I smiled at her.

"Wow, does that line ever work?" She tried to raise an eye brow, however was unable.

"Ouch that must have hurt and to your question yes it works like charm." I smirked and winked at her.

"So, on a serious note, how are you feeling?" I asked her

"Well besides getting the shit kicked out of me," I cringed as she said that. "Everything seems fine."

My face sunk, the memory of last night replayed in my mind.

"Hey, Hey, don't beat yourself up over it." Her voice was serious. "It wasn't your fault at all, do you understand me?

I nodded and walked over to kiss her forehead.

--

After the three weeks of visiting Spencer, she was finally released. Glen got temporary custody until the finalized decision was made. There was no fucking way Steven would be able to keep Spencer anymore, I made sure of that. He's getting anywhere from ten to twenty years in prison for voluntary manslaughter.

I_'m glad that prick deserved what was coming to him._

"_I Know She Got It Cause She Lookin At Me Like She Want It, (Want It)  
She Drop It Low, Make Me Wanna Throw Some D's On It,(Hey)  
Whatever It Is You Can't Stop It, Cause She Get Low,  
When She On That Pole, And That Lets Me Know...  
She Got It"_

"Hey Sophie, I know, I will, I will, yea okay I got to go. Bye Sophie." I hung up the phone and shook my head.

Damn Sophie, she's such a pain in my ass, but one of the best people I know.

"Spencer, come on. I want to take you somewhere."

"Okay and where is that?" She pouted.

Damn it, you have to stay in control Ashley. It's not going to work. I looked up at her, shit she's still doing it. Okay, look down, avoid eye contact it's fail proof.

"Ashley, are you going answer me?" Her voice became seductive.

_Oh damn, I'm screwed. _

"Okay, well…where we're going is a place you'll find out when we get there?" I laughed and turned to get in.

She was shocked, I resisted the temptation.

Okay even I was surprise._ 'Where the hell did that come from?' _

"Come on, you know I hate surprises." Her hand slowly rubbed my thigh. I jumped a little and saw her smirk.

"Fuck that wasn't funny Spencer." Irritation was underlining my tone.

"Oh come on," Her voice became husky. "We never tried while you were driving."

Her hand slowly crawled under my skirt and thong. Her finger stroked my outer lips, the tension was slowly building. She moved her finger further in and started to rub my clit. I let out a soft moan and tried to maintain focus on the road.

She abruptly stopped. _'Damn!'_

"So are you going to tell me where we're going now?" She smirked.

"No!" I exclaimed and continued to watch the road. I slowed my speed down, I knew Spencer well enough to know she wasn't about to give up without some sort of answer.

Her hand snuck back under my skirt, this time her fingers were probing inside of me.

"Damn you're wet, baby." Her tone was conceited.

Her fingers were tenderly thrusting in and out of me. Her pace quickened and dug deeper inside.

"Oh, fuck me." I whimpered out.

"That was plan." She smugly said.

The friction made me quiver. She slowly withdrew her fingers and started to suck on them. She was deliberately taunting me, so I turned my attention back on the road.

"You're going to need to do better than that Spence." I snickered.

She smirked and returned her fingers under my skirt.

Her fingers gently made a circular motion on my clit. She started to move faster, another moan came out. My eyes were growing heavier. I wanted this release, my body craved her touch. She removed her fingers from my clit and placed them deeper inside.

"God that feels so good," I sighed "But you need to stop before I kill us!"

"Are you sure about that? Do you really want me to stop?" she whispered in my ear.

I gulped and nodded my head.

"Fine." She muttered.

"Okay we're almost there." I flashed a smile.

She glared at me and turned back to look out the window.

Ten minutes later we finally were at our destination.

"Ashley the beach, that was the big surprise?" Sarcasm dripped from her tone.

"Come on." I took her hand and we made it to the spot.

"Surprise" They shouted

Her face was unreadable.

'_Well this is going to interesting night'_

"Let's get this party started" Glen yelled.

'_What an idiot. Why did I like him again?_

"So, do you like it, I know you ha-" Her lips crashed onto mine. That one kiss said everything; there wasn't a need for words. I cupped her face and deepened the kiss. My tongue found hers instantly. God she tasted good. Our kiss broke, but not our eye contact. I smiled and we walked over to the group.

"How you holding up, Spence?" Reagan asked.

"I'm doing well, thank you so much for being here." Regan moved closer to Spencer. Her arms wrapped around her and she whispered something in her ear.

"I know." Was all Spencer said.

I left them and wandered around. I found a quiet spot and just soaked in the view.

"Hey, how are you holding up?" Raife asked.

"You know for the first time in years, I'm doing great." I told him honestly.

"Ashley, I don't want to damper the mood, but what are you going to do about the letter?" He asked.

I pondered for an answer. I didn't have one.

"I don't know. A part of me wants to find out what the letter means, but then a bigger part of me wants to stay here. I have so much here now." I said.

"Well, whatever you decide know that I love you and I support your decision." He kissed my forehead and turned to leave.

I heard steps behind me; I didn't even turn to see who it was. I had an idea though.

"So how much did you hear?" I asked.

"Enough."

"I really wanted to tell you Spencer but I never got around to do it. I tried the night of the attack, but I got preoccupied." I sternly told her.

"Oh. So what are you going to do?" She whispered, she was afraid of my answer.

"I don't know Spence, I don't know."

"Well whatever you do, I will support you. If you leave, just now you'll always be in my heart."

"I really needed to hear that." I cried out. "God look at me, I'm a mess."

Her arms wrapped tightly around me. "No you're not." She said.

She got up and held her hand out for me.

"Come on, we can't simple disappear from my own party. Let's go" She smiled.

We made our way back to the party. Things were surreal again, I wasn't worried anymore about things. I finally realized what I had to do about the letter.

"Hey let's dance?" She asked. I gave her an incredulous look.

"Spencer I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be doing that."

"Ashley, you only live once, nothing will happen. Stop worrying okay?" She pleaded.

I nodded and we headed to the music. I instantly knew the song and dragged her to an open spot.

"_Girl I can notice but to, notice you, noticing me,_

_from across the room I can see it and_

_can't stop myself from looking and noticing you,_

_noticing me,Watch out I've seen her type before  
That girl is so DANGEROUS,  
That girl is so DANGEROUS,  
That girl is bad girl, I've seen her type before  
She's so DANGEROUS,  
That girl is so DANGEROUS,  
That girl is a bad girl, yeah_"

We started out a few inches away. The beat drew us closer and my hips pressed up against her.

"_Ohhh yeah thats her the big dog tryin to get her little kitty to purr._

_x-man lookin at me like i'm lucifer. cause he knoww ill deal with the case yes SIR!" _

I looked at the DJ and he nodded his head. He transitioned into a slower song. I smiled as I heard the lyrics.

_"You say you've seen too many things,  
That turn out to be too good to be true.  
Against your better judgment, opened up your heart,  
'til you found the joke was on you."  
_

Her lips pressed up again my neck. I placed my hands on her hips and swayed to the music. She turned and faced me, my lips crashed onto hers. She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck, as I placed mine around her back.

_Looking out on the rest of our lives,  
If we're gonna be together or apart  
About the only way I know how to come,  
Is right straight from my heart.  
I want you now,  
I'll show you how  
I can be the man you need me to be_

I whispered the lyrics in her ear.I knew them by heart_  
_

_I've been around,  
But now I've found  
That you're the only one for me.  
Say you'll never fall again  
You won't subject yourself to such pain  
_

"I love you Spence. I will always love you." I told her

"I know and you have my heart Ashley."

_If you give me half a chance I will  
Never leave you standing out in the rain  
But if you think that I could look you in your face and lie right  
Through my teeth  
Then turn around and walk away  
Cross my heart, girl I care for you and when I look into your eyes _

_I must say...  
I need you now  
I'll show you how  
I can be the man you need me to be  
I've been around  
But now I've found_

_That you're the only one for me"  
_--

After the party we went back to my house. I threw some music on and released I wanted to tell her about my past.

"Spencer, do you think we can talk?" I asked

"Yea, what about?"

"Well you've told me so much about your past, and I haven't. So I want to"

'_I want to tell her, she makes me feel safe enough to go there.' _

I told her everything, the rape, the killing, the suicide attempt, my mom, and Kyla being in a coma. And I told her the real reason I was with my dad. The court ordered me to leave the state for a year due to the murder. It was leaving or jail time.

I couldn't read what she was thinking. She came over and hugged me. It was such a simple gesture but it let me know I was loved despite everything.

She laid me down. Her body was pressed against mine. I licked my lips as she leaned in. She gently touched my lips and her hands made their way to my shirt. She pulled it off and as her tongue trailed a path to my navel. I unhooked my bra for her and tossed it on the ground.

The music played softly in the background.

"_I want to tease you, I want to please you  
I want to show you, baby, that I need you_

I want your body 'till the very last drop  
I want you to holler, when you want me to stop"

I smiled at her.

She caressed my nipple before placing it in her mouth. Her tongue was flicking it, my body raised up. Her hands roamed down to my skirt, she took it off and left me in my thong.

"Spencer slow down, there's no need to rush anything." I told her.

She nodded and made her way back to my lips. I felt the small tug on my bottom lip, it turned me on even more. I lifted her shirt and show her scar. I traced over it with my lips and went back up to where her bra was and removed it.

"_And who can love you like me (nobody)  
Who can sex you like me (nobody)  
Who can treat you like me now, baby (nobody)  
Nobody, baby (nobody)"  
_

My hands moved lower and unzipped her pants. I kissed down to her panty line and then I made my way back up to her breast. My fingers tracked over her nipples and my lips made their way back up to her lips.

"Tonight is about you Ashley." She whispered in my ear.

I nodded. I gave her control; she could have her way with me.

I felt her lips on my inner thigh and I tried to suppress the moan forming but it was too late. She inched closer and closer to my thong with her lips. All the sudden her lips were on my neck. She found the pulse point and slowly sucked on it.

"God, Spence."

She left her head and smirked and returned back down. She slipped the thong off and stared at me for a second.

"Ash, you're breath taking." She told me.

Her fingers spread my outer lips and I could feel her finger making circular movements. My body lifted up. I knew I was already wet enough for her to enter, but she never did. She grabbed my ass as her tongue brushed my clit. Then she moved to my labia. Her tongue slowly went back and forth.

My body screamed for more. I wanted to burst. My hips raised with ever stroke to meet her lips. She felt this and started to suck on the clit, as her tongue massaged it.

_I need to hold out, Ashley don't give in just yet._

One of her fingers entered inside and my body moved according to her force. She entered another finger and sped up the thrusting.

"Damn Spencer." She pulled out for a second to taste my juices and then I felt her fingers enter again. Oh god her fingers reached my wall, her fingers found my g-spot.

"God, fuck me" I yelled.

My hands gripped the sheets tighter as I bit on my bottom lip. Her hand was firmly on my pelvis bone, the extra pressure stimulated the sensual feeling. My back arched up, I didn't know how much longer I could withstand the urges.

"Oh" I screamed.

"Spencer I'm so fucking close."

"Oh god here it comes." The warm sensation came as my body buckled up. Shivers overwhelmed my body.

"Spencer" I screamed as I rode out the orgasm. She pulled her fingers out, they were soaked.

My eyes were failing me, they grew heavier and heavier. I passed out.

--

I woke up to find an empty bed and I threw some underwear on and also a tank top on. As I went down stairs I saw Spencer making breakfast and singing. I don't understand why she never sings more. It's simple gorgeous. I made my way around to the back of the kitchen and snuck up behind her.

"Good morning Ashley!" She said in a sing song voice.

"Damn, how did you know it was me?" I laughed.

"I saw you staring at me a second ago."

_Oh well that made me out to be a stalker._

"So when do you need be home since it is Saturday?" I really wanted her to stay.

"Actually I have to be home like around twelve, I'm meeting Reagan." She said.

I nodded my head and made my way to the counter. I jumped up and sat as she cooked.

She finished and we ate in a comfortable silence.

I broke the silence.

"Um Spencer, I'm going back home."


	14. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve: Comin' Home.

"_**Love is not love which it alters, when altercation finds, when life gets hard or changes. True love remains the same."**_

Spencer's thoughts: italicized and Ashley's thoughts: bold and songs are in italics

_This year I wished for love; to amerce myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted but in way it feels like I'm losing it. _

I close my eyes and pray this isn't happening. I lied to Ashley, I don't understand, I can't grasp the concept of her leaving.

"Spencer," She stops before continuing. "Did you hear me?" Her voice was frail and vulnerable. _Yea I heard you, damn it I just want to pretend this fucking isn't happening. I gave you my heart and this is how you repay me?_

"Yea I heard, that's," I stop for second trying to find the courage to utter the next word. "Great."

"I'm leaving tomorrow. That's the only time I could fly out there." My eyes finally met hers and I slowly started to crack; the tears streamed down my cheek.

"T-tomorrow?" I ask hoping she was lying.

"Yea, so today, can it just be us? No distractions, just you and me."

I nod. _I can't speak; I don't know what will come out if I do._ Her arms wrap around me, she is embracing me, saving me, and leaving me all at the same time.

"Where do you want to go?" My voice wavers. _I need to be strong_!

"Get dressed and I'll take you." **My heart is breaking. She's trying to be strong, but I can see past the façade, she's dying inside. Her eyes are the windows into her soul; they reveal more than she thinks. I'm killing her; my actions, my choices are the ones breaking her and there's nothing I can do about it.**

"Spencer come on it's getting late." **Why isn't she down here yet?**

I ran upstairs something didn't feel right. "Spencer," I pause to find her. "Spencer!" I notice she's in the corner peering out. The smeared mascara reveals traces of tears, her gaze never falters from the window.

"Spencer," I try again this time I was right by her side. "I know you're hurting and I promise we will get through this together. I want to show you something, so please let's go." My hand lingers out waiting for her to accept. Her staring ceased and she accepted my hand.

We drove for hours before we reached the destination.

"Ashley where are we?"

"C'mon you'll see." I simply say.

We follow the path and finally reach my surprise.

"Oh my god, Ashley this is gorgeous." She points to the view; The sunset hangs right above the ocean. Its intermixture of colors is simply breath taking. The ocean is calm and soothing. Everything in the moment is perfect.

I look at her before replying.

"Yea it is; it really is." Her eyes lock into mine.

She grabs me, and pulls me into a kiss. **Her lips never felt as soft as they do right now. She's the one for me, the one I hope to marry one day.**

"C'mon lets go to the house." I smirk and pull her to the beach house.

"Spencer, I've never brought anyone here before. My dad bought it for me. He knew that my mother and I didn't get along so he thought it could be used as a sanctuary when I needed to escape. However, my mother uprooted us before I could actually come here." I paused before going on. "So I want this place to be for you, if you ever need to get away then come here. There will be no interruptions; it's secluded enough to escape reality for a bit." I earnestly said.

"Thank you, this means so much. I'm going to miss you so much Ashley, I don't think I'm going to be able to handle no seeing you, not feeling you when I want." Her voice was desperate and bare. _I love her so much!_

"Spencer you will always have me, no matter what, you're stuck with me." I grin cheekily and pull her closer to me.

"Really I'm stuck with you?" She sighed. "Well I guess I can deal with that." She laughs and I kiss her again.

"Alright come on, I need to show you something around back."

Candles illuminated, revealing the scene. The band was on the stage and I smiled at her.

The band started to play softly in the background.

"_Lying here with you,  
Listening to the rain.  
Smiling just to see,  
The smile upon your face"._I took her hand, "Will you dance with me." She nods.

**The words captures everything my heart is feeling. I want her and only her. I know she feels the same way as I do. Her eyes bare her soul and heart. The sparkle in her eyes reminds me every time why I love her. She completes me.**

"_And these are the moments,  
I thank God that I'm alive.  
And these are the moments,  
I'll remember all my life.  
I've found all I've Waited for,  
And I could not ask for more._" .  
_  
"Looking in your eyes,  
Seeing all I need.  
Everything you are,  
Is everything to me."  
_

My eyes burned into hers, everything that needed to be said is, with one captured look.

The music continues on cue.

"Spencer I want to tell you something." I sternly say as I let go of her.

_And these are the moments,  
I know heaven must exist.  
And these are the moments,  
I know all I need is this,  
I have all I've waited for,  
And I could not ask for more._"Remember the first time we meet?" I asked

"Yea I was showing you around the school, I was kind of a bitch to you." She smirked.

"Well yeah," I laughed "But despite that there was something that captivated me to you." My hand grabs hers.

"Every since I laid my eyes on you, I wanted to get to know the person behind the blue eyes. Once I did get to know you, I fell for you. Eventually the falling became loving and now I can't see you out of my life. My heart will break if you're absent from my life. When you give your heart to someone that is true love, it's not a fairytale, or life that never knows pain, but two souls facing it together and diminishing it, with unconditional love."

I stopped for a second and reached to get something.

_I could not ask for more than this time together,  
I could ask for more than this time with you.  
Every prayer has been answered,  
Every dream I've had's come true.  
Right here in this moment,  
Is right where that I meant to be.  
Ohh here with you, here with me."_

"I want to share a future with you and only you. I know we're still young but I love you and I will always remain yours." I pulled out the little velvet box and turned my gaze back to her. _Oh god I can't breathe!_

"Spencer, I promise to always love you and cherish you, will you do me the honor and wear this? This is not quite an engagement ring but more of a promise ring. I promise that no matter where I am you will always be with me." Tears were filling in my eyes.

"Yes god, yes I'll wear it." I smiled and placed it on her hand. **This was the best moment in my life.**

"Spencer do you hear that?" I asked.

"No, what?" she asked.

"Never mind it's probably just the band." I told her.

"Okay then."

**God what the hell is that? It keeps getting louder.**

"Ashley, are you okay? You seem distracted."

"I keep hearing voices."

"I don't hear anything.""

"You can't hear the voices, they keep fucking getting louder." I yelled

"Ashley, there are no voices." She said confusedly.

"Yes there are, I swear I hear them." My voice was frail. **Why can't she hear them?**

"What do you want? Shut the fuck up, please." I screamed.

The voices were getting louder.

"I love you Spencer." I whispered to her.

The next thing I know Spencer's gone.

--

"Ashley can you hear me?" **Why am I strapped to a chair?**

I stared up at him. **What the hell is going here? Where is Spencer, she was just here?**

"Ashley I'm going to ask you a few questions, okay? It might be hard for you to talk at first." He told me. I nodded complying with what he had said.

"Do you remember my name?" He asked.

"No, should I."

"My name is Doctor Steven, and yes you should." He jotted something done and then continued with the questions.

"What year is it?" He asked simply and calmly. **What fucking type of question is that?**

"It's," I had to clear my voice before continuing. My voice was hoarse. "It's 2008, why?"

"Okay, what's the last thing you remember?" He looked down for a brief second to jot something down.

"I was in Santa Barbara with Spencer, taking her to a surprise." I paused to regain my composure.

"Tell me more about Spencer." He remarked.

"God where to begin; she's unbelievable, gorgeous, smart, and understanding. She's my other half; she makes me want to better. Spencer's been through so much, yet it hasn't affected her heart." I told him. He jotted something down before returning to me.

He began to speak.

"Ashley, Spencer isn't real. I believe your subconscious created her to help cope with Kyla's death. You've been through a tough ordeal and it's natural for things to escalade like they did."

He stops and looks at me to see whether I understand.

I shook my head. "What the fuck are you talking about, she is, and she was just here. What kind of sick joke is this?"

"Ashley calm down, you were having an episode.

His words were not registering. My mind couldn't, wouldn't grasp what he was telling me.

"I don't understand what the fuck your saying?" I was pissed and confused.

"You've been a patient here at Bellevue for five years, Ashley."

"Okay what the hell is this place?" My voice wavered.

"You're in a psychiatric hospital. You were emitted after you first episode."

"Episode you keep throwing that word out, what the fuck do you mean though?"

"You don't remember anything? Ashley you have schizophrenia. You were doing very well with the new medication, but somehow you still relapsed." He said frankly.

Suddenly everything clicked. **Oh god, the one thing I ever wanted was a figment of my imagination. She felt so real, every touch, every look, every smile, seemed genuine**.

"Ashley I'm going to call the nurse to give you a sedative, to help you relax." He reached for the phone to call the nurse in. Once he did, he said good bye and left the room.

Hello, Miss. Davies." She said. **That voice seems so familiar.**

"Hello, uh…" **I didn't know what to say, I was utterly shocked.**

"Nurse Carlin, but you can call me Spencer." _**What?**_

The End!!


End file.
